Hi, it’s Josh.. some of you old timers may remember me as the guy who used to write the newsletters and most of blog posts around here.
You may have noticed that it was about a year ago (exactly), that I stopped.
The reason was that my wife and I had our first child, a baby boy we named Wren on that day. March 9th, 2010. He was 3 weeks early, 7 pounds, 20.5 inches, and delivered at 12:12pm. It was honestly the best day of my life. It was also the worst.
About 11 hours after his birth, Wren stopped breathing. We were at home by ourselves in Santa Monica (we’d had a home birth, and the midwives had left about 3 hours after the birth), so we called 911. They arrived within three minutes and rushed him off to the hospital just one mile from our house, but after about three hours of nothing working they had to pull the plug.
I won’t get into all the details here. You can see everything over at wrenjones.com or Group B Strep International or Hurt By Homebirth. Since then, it’s been a pretty shitty year for me and my wife, and our families and friends. There’s been a lot of crying. A lot of looking for answers. A lot of trying again (no luck so far).
When we got the autopsy back and found out for sure that Wren had died of a Group B Strep infection, it seemed like none of our friends or family members knew anything about it. I was like “people need to know about this!” But after doing a little bit of research I realized that although most parents and lay people have never heard of GBS, everybody in the medical world already have… and it’s basically been solved. Since the 90s there’s been a straightforward protocol on how to prevent GBS, that is over 99.8% effective.
What Then?
Which left me floundering. What happened? Why us? Were we really just that unlucky?
Finally, it dawned on me that the GBS infection was really just the symptom of the deeper “disease.” The home birth itself.
When we had decided to do a home birth, I was skeptical at first. It just intuitively seemed like a risky proposition.
But… after visiting a couple different home birth providers around LA, as well as our HMO-provided OBs, I developed an analogy I could accept. “Home births are to hospital births what Whole Foods is to Safeway.” (A rich people place that probably isn’t actually any better, but at least isn’t any worse.)
I’d long ago given in to shopping at Whole Foods even though I gag at the site of Nature’s Path Organic Love Crunch.
This epiphany struck me when I saw that home births were actually more expensive than hospital births… ours was $5,200 (and they don’t take insurance), compared to basically free with our HMO. The home birth specialists stated that as long as these three key components held true, home births were actually safer than hospitals:
1. You’re low risk. No complications of any kind; no medical conditions, no twins, no premature labor, no breech, no nada.
2. You have highly trained professional midwives assisting you.
3. You have pre-arranged a backup hospital that is very close by, just in case.
I didn’t buy that it was safeR, but it did seem somewhat reasonable that if you carefully followed these rules it could be as safe. And if the experience was nicer than the HMO (and the checkups definitely were), the $5,200 seemed worth it.
I now know the flaws in each of those three components:
1. You’re low risk.
Even if you’re low risk, that doesn’t mean you’re no risk.
The math basically works out like this.. let’s say a “high risk” person has an 80 in 10,000 chance of a life-threatening emergency during childbirth and a “low risk” person has an 8 in 10,000 chance. Let’s say the survival rate of such emergencies is 25% at home and 50% in a hospital.
If that’s the case, when you’re “high risk,” you’d be adding a 20 in 10,000 chance that your baby will die. And when you’re “low risk” you’d be adding a 2 in 10,000 chance! It’s better than if you’d been “high risk”, but why add any extra chance your baby will die?
Secondly, what is “low risk”? Early on, our OBs detected GBS in my wife’s urine. They dealt with it fine (although they could have told us about the higher risk of infecting your child during birth when you’re heavily colonized!).
To them, we were still low risk because GBS is so easy to treat… the mother just gets an antibiotic IV when she goes into labor… except they forgot we were planning a home birth. For our midwives we were also considered “low risk” … mostly because they held a certain complacency about GBS, I guess because they had never experienced it personally.
You never really know if you’re low risk (especially with your first pregnancy!) until after the fact, plus when you’ve decided to go the home birth route, there all of the sudden becomes this (typically) unspoken pressure to go through with it, even if “high risk” warning signs start to appear, because to deliver at the hospital would be some kind of a failure.
2. You have highly trained professional midwives assisting you.
In the U.S., there are basically two types of certified midwives: CPMs and CNMs. What you want is a CNM: Certified Nurse Midwife.
Everything else (CPM, LM, MPH, LLC, direct-entry, state licensed, etc..) is a Professional Midwife. The differences between the two are quite large.
A Nurse Midwife is required to graduate from nursing school, and works in the health care system with real medical doctors.
A Professional Midwife needs only a high school degree and to get certified by a midwifery association.
To go back to my analogy theme, a CPM is to a CNM as a real estate agent is to a district attorney.
It is currently illegal in 23 states for CPMs to deliver babies. Unfortunately it is legal in California.
In fact, there are some studies that show that births attended by CNMs have survival rates even slightly higher than those attended by MDs. However, almost no CNMs will do a home birth… they all deliver in hospitals.
I can only assume something they learned in medical school scared them.
3. You have a hospital very close by.
That almost all Certified Nurse Midwives will only deliver in a hospital says a lot.
Being close to a hospital is not the same as being in a hospital. Believe it or not, babies can die very suddenly during labor, delivery, or even the first few days afterwards. You’re never completely in the clear of course, but the most likely day for any human to die is the day they’re born.
Our story alone should prove that being close (we live literally one mile from the new UCLA medical center NICU, one of the best in the world) is not always good enough.
Clearly, being close to a hospital is better than being far from a hospital.
So it seems pretty logical that being in a hospital is even better than being close.
And again, why add any extra chance that your baby would die?
The Sad Thing
There seems to be a teensy bit of the beginning of a trend towards home births right now, maybe it goes with the green/local/organic/global warming craze. It may seem harmless, but the problem with the whole culture of home birth though is its intense focus on the process of childbirth rather than the result.
I wish I could somehow get everybody laser focused on the most important, nay, the only important thing in childbirth. Getting a healthy baby out of a healthy mommy. I wish I could impart this to people without them having to go through what we’ve been through.
I know it’s near impossible to change somebody’s mind once it’s been made up. I also know that the vast majority of home births are always going to go fine; the numbers we’re talking about are all pretty “small”.
The sad thing is, many people will still choose to have a home birth with a CPM even if they know that they are adding a 1 in 1000 chance that their baby will die.
(That’s the actual odds! For comparison, there are an estimated 85.5 million drunken drives a month and about 11,000 fatalities a year in the U.S. That implies that in America having a home birth with a CPM is 93 times more dangerous than driving drunk.)
I’m okay with that. I just want people to make their decision educated with the best possible information.
(Personally, my advice would be to not.)
Addendum
If you’re considering having a home birth, please… you owe it to yourself, your spouse, your friends, your family, and your unborn child to consider the “unthinkable.”
Before you decide, try checking out The Skeptical OB blog by Dr. Amy Tuteur. She’s been doing this way longer than me and is much more qualified than I am to talk about this stuff.
And if you do still decide to have a home birth, please, find a CNM! (And if you’re GBS positive, get the antibiotic IV for crying out loud!)
Finally, have you ever heard (or can you even imagine hearing) somebody say, “If only I’d had a home birth, my baby would be alive.”?
Because if only I hadn’t.
March 9th, 2011 at 12:36 pm
Wow, thank you so much for that entry. I’ve been considering midwives for when we do have our first child. Especially after seeing much of the anti-hospital media. I have greatly reconsidered. I am sorry for your loss.
Cristine
March 9th, 2011 at 12:37 pm
Absolutely heartbreaking! Thank you for sharing your story. Namaste.
March 9th, 2011 at 12:40 pm
Wow, this is truly a horrible thing to happen to anyone. I honestly used to be one of the people who were all for home births, until today.
Thank you for sharing this and my thoughts go out to you and your family.
March 9th, 2011 at 12:45 pm
Thank you for writing this, Josh. I am deeply sorry for your loss.
March 9th, 2011 at 12:49 pm
Worst thing I’ve ever heard. I am so sad for you. Thank you for being strong enough to share this story.
March 9th, 2011 at 12:49 pm
I just wanted to say how truly sorry I am for your loss. I can not imagine the pain you and your wife must be going through. I just wanted to take this time and say that my thoughts are with you.
March 9th, 2011 at 12:53 pm
Kudos for having the guts to get this out. Best wishes to your continued recovery.
March 9th, 2011 at 12:59 pm
I am so deeply sorry for your loss. You are so brave for putting this out to the world. I pray that you and your wife find peace in this last year’s tragedy. I also pray that you are able to have another baby soon!
March 9th, 2011 at 1:02 pm
So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing.
March 9th, 2011 at 1:03 pm
HUGS … I am so sorry for your loss … My heart goes out to you and your wife and your family and friends.
March 9th, 2011 at 1:06 pm
My son was also born 3 weeks early, which meant my wife’s strep test had not come back yet. To be safe, the hospital gave my son antibiotics. Luckily, the strep test came back negative. I cannot imagine having to go through what you are experiencing. Thanks for having the courage and initiative to post this information.
March 9th, 2011 at 1:14 pm
As I sit hear typing I have tears in my eyes thinking what if it was one of my kids laying there. Thanks Josh for sharing your experience and getting the word out.
My wife and I lost a child prematurely, which I hate to say has got to be easier than just after birth… all the things we get to do with our newborns, and then to have it yanked from your arms by some god damned bacteria, it’s not fair.
It was a hard year or two for us as well. I hope peace finds all three of you and you continue to love and cherish the people you know and knew.
March 9th, 2011 at 1:26 pm
I did notice that you stopped writing the newsletter but never in a million years did I imagine this reason. Thank you for writing this. You are a very courageous man and this is a very, very important message.
My deepest condolences to you and your wife.
March 9th, 2011 at 1:38 pm
Thank you for sharing Josh. Trying to explain to my 4 y.o. little girl why I’m crying is tough, especially when she asks “why didn’t the doctor help?” Hopefully things get better for your family. -pb
March 9th, 2011 at 1:54 pm
Your story has touched me deeply. We now have a one year old baby and also considered a home birth. We finally went to the hospital because we were not sure about it, and also because the strep was found on the analysis. I didn’t know this could be so dangerous.
Wren was a lovely baby. I’m sure he loves you too, as you did what you thought was best for him.
March 9th, 2011 at 2:00 pm
Dear Josh, thank you so much for sharing your personal story with us – you and your wife certainly have my profound sympathies for your loss, and I applaud your effort to make something helpful out of it for others.
God bless you! Your old customer, Jim D.
March 9th, 2011 at 2:00 pm
When I read your story on Hurt By Homebirth, I didn’t know it was you, but I wept for your little Wren. Thank you for sharing here too, where it will reach even more who need to hear this.
March 9th, 2011 at 2:52 pm
My heart goes out to you Josh. I’m here in my office at work trying not to cry. Thank you for sharing this story.
March 9th, 2011 at 2:58 pm
Thanks for sharing your story Josh. I’m sure many of us have been concerned about you and Tweeny and didn’t want to intrude because we knew you were going through a lot of grief, however you two and Wren have been in our thoughts. I hope that your story can help someone else avoid the same pain and loss.
March 9th, 2011 at 3:01 pm
I can’t imagine the pain you and your wife are going through. My heart goes out to you both. Thank you for sharing your story.
March 9th, 2011 at 3:03 pm
We love you guys. As someone above said, you were doing what you thought was best for Wren. He knows you love him. Hugs!
March 9th, 2011 at 3:42 pm
We will never forget little Wren :( You will continue to be in our thoughts and prayers! We love you guys…
March 9th, 2011 at 3:47 pm
My heart is breaking for you guys. I can’t imagine how the last year has been for you. I don’t even know what to say. I hope and pray that you guys feel peace more and more. I know your lives will never, ever be the same, but hopefully the pain lessens over time. I know good will come of your willingness to share your story here… and perhaps lives saved. Thank you.
March 9th, 2011 at 3:53 pm
I’m know words cant help much, but i’m so sorry to hear about this.
All the best for you, your wife, and the family
March 9th, 2011 at 3:57 pm
As someone who wrote to me late every month / ;) / I am deeply sorry for you and your wife’s loss. Having just become a father 2 months ago, I feel deeply how absolutely devastating this must have been, if only for the fact that it takes becoming a parent to understand. Be that a few years, months, or even hours. Josh, I – and others it appears like – are so sorry and wish we could help with the pain. I know it would have taken a lot to write this, so I’ll do what I think you’d appreciate most, and pass this on to as many as I can. Be strong, love your wife, family and friends all the more, and you and your message will be in my thoughts for a long time.
March 9th, 2011 at 4:39 pm
I know it’s near impossible to change somebody’s mind once it’s been made up.
You’ve changed mine.
My heart goes out to you and your family.
March 9th, 2011 at 4:44 pm
To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die.
~Thomas Campbell, Hallowed Ground
Thank you Josh…
*huggles*
March 9th, 2011 at 5:54 pm
Our love and prayers go out to you, your family, and to Wren. He will always be remembered and loved. Thank you for sharing your story.
March 9th, 2011 at 6:44 pm
Thank you, Josh, for sharing your experience. My son also stopped breathing about 21 hours after he was born. (The exact cause is still unknown.) The only reason he is still alive almost three years later is that we *were* in a hospital and the resident (in the next room) knew just what to do and had the equipment and support staff on hand to take action. You cannot imagine how hard it was for two new parents to leave the hospital when he was declared “well” only ten days later.
Although the U.S. medical system is messed up in many ways, most of the doctors and nurses I’ve met are delivering great care in spite of misguided meddling from most of the private insurers that now run the show.
My wife and I survived the ordeal through the support of countless friends and family. We were able to keep everyone apprised of the situation thanks to a blog hosted at DreamHost. So thank you for founding that great company. You all are enabling many good things in the world.
March 9th, 2011 at 7:27 pm
Well, taking time to write about and to warn others, and not close to everyone… that…
I’m deeply sorry for your loss. Reading your post got me from about to jump to comments to congratulate, to get my eyes wet and to think this can’t happen… Josh, from .mx our best vibes and my truly respect.
March 9th, 2011 at 7:37 pm
Hey josh,
As a father having lost his 4½ month old beautiful son to SIDS about a month ago, I really understand the mental agony and the ensuing depressing thoughts that you and your wife may have undergone. I really appreciate you for sharing your experience on the official DH blog (I might have missed if it were elsewhere).
As people have advised me, time and happy events are the only factors that will heal your mental wounds. I sincerely wish you many peaceful moments and many happy events so that you can look back and get on with a sigh of the fond memories of your son.
March 9th, 2011 at 8:22 pm
My prayers are with you and your wife. I can’t imagine what you are going through, but know Wren is in Jesus’ loving arms. Walk with the Lord and someday you’ll be reunited with him and be able to hold him again. He is such a beautiful baby. Thank you for sharing and helping another couple from going through the pain you and your wife have gone through. God bless you.
March 9th, 2011 at 11:53 pm
Josh.
I can’t imagine how hard it was for you to go through your ordeal, and how hard it must have been the subsequent year. Your ability to re-group and be a part of these awareness groups is truly a testament to yours and your families fortitude.
Thank you for the detailed and well-constructed posting. It seems like your intention is to not only educate, but give facts, statistics and data to help us come to realizations on our own. Very thoughtful writing.
March 10th, 2011 at 1:03 am
Stay strong, both of you! Wren was loved so fully by so many people. You, Tweenie, and Wren, will all remain in our hearts and minds. Thank you for your strength and passing your knowledge on to others.
March 10th, 2011 at 1:40 am
Hi, so sorry to hear about your sad loss, best wishes.
March 10th, 2011 at 8:37 am
I am sorry to hear about your loss, time will help.
I commend you for your courage in sharing your experience and pain.
There were some complications with our first child during the delivery. It would have been really bad if we weren’t in a hospital.
March 10th, 2011 at 9:48 am
Thank you for sharing your story. My wife and I are having our first baby soon. Your message is welcome and well-received.
We are both very sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking the time to share this information and help clear out a bit more ignorance from the world.
March 10th, 2011 at 3:47 pm
I just wanted to say thanks to everybody who commented (and those who didn’t too), we both really appreciate the outpouring of support, and we especially appreciate anybody sharing this post with anybody they know who might be considering or even thinking about considering a home birth..
March 10th, 2011 at 5:48 pm
Josh: Thank you for sharing this tragic experience..Couldn’t have been easy to do but by sharing this you and Wren may have saved another babies life. I am a L&D nurse and I see “low-risk” deliveries here at the hospital…Believe me I am so glad to have the equipment and the expertise available when it is needed. Before and after delivery. Keep sharing this story so people can be well informed and so as health care professionals we are not seen as the enemy…God bless you and your family….
March 10th, 2011 at 6:15 pm
I am a California Licensed & Certified Professional Midwife who wholeheartedly agrees there is not enough education and experience for many (most?) CPMs. I closed my homebirth practice 1/1/11 to concentrate on helping hospital birthing women stay home in labor *safely*. Too many are laboring without care and I want to fill that gap.
I should have been a CNM.
My daughter (a UC baby, by the way) is newly pregnant and when she asked me to help her find a midwife in Texas, I helped her find a group of CNMs in a well-reviewed hospital. One of the CNMs was confused and asked, “But, your mom is a homebirth midwife… didn’t you want to have yours at home?” My baby girl answered, “She says it’s safer with a CNM and thinks I should be in the hospital to be safe.”
You know that statement docs say that makes NBA’s heads spin… “If you were *my* daughter/wife, I would….” Blah blah blah. Well, this is MY daughter and MY grandchild… and I want the very best for them.
I am *not* anti-homebirth at all. I *am* for full informed consent and full disclosure about a midwife’s skills and education. I’m in the middle of creating a REAL homebirth informed consent, one I suspect you would approve of.
And yeah, I catch a LOT of crap for my beliefs, too. *sigh*
You can’t know how sorry I am for your loss, but if it is any comfort at all, I am able to share your story with women everywhere. I will be sure to put you on my blog as well. Thank you for being one of the few who are able to speak out… you brave, beautiful souls. Thank you. And my heart of sadness to you and your wife.
March 10th, 2011 at 6:16 pm
My written english is not good enough for this situation,
so I’ll only say that I’ll pray for you and your wife. May the soul of your child fly free and give you the energy and the strenth and the peace to continue your life.
March 10th, 2011 at 6:57 pm
Really sorry for your loss and hope and pray you will be blessed soon. Thanks for posting this message – hopefully, at least one of us readers will be able to advice someone else considering a home birth.
March 10th, 2011 at 6:58 pm
I am so sorry for your loss.
I know this is not the time to debate homebirth safety and I won’t turn it that way, but to anyone reading that may be unclear – GBS can be tested for during late pregnancy by a homebirth midwife and treated during a home labor with IV antibiotics. Just to be clear – not testing/refusing antibiotics is a parents choice not a shortcoming of homebirth.
March 10th, 2011 at 7:41 pm
Hey UT,
Go to Hell.
Thanks.
March 10th, 2011 at 8:09 pm
I cannot express how sorry I am for your loss. I tested positive for GBS and was on an IV during labor, only to have the nurse forget to administer the final dose of antibiotics prior to getting a c-section. Luckily, they realized it shortly after surgery, treated our daughter directly, and she pulled through, but it was scary nevertheless. She’s now 16-months old and we treasure every day with her.
Although you only had 11 precious hours to spend with Wren, I have no doubt that he felt incredibly loved for every second of his life and beyond. My prayers are with you all – may peace find you one day soon.
March 10th, 2011 at 8:23 pm
I’m so very sorry! What a devastating loss! You made what you thought was the right choice for your child and I’m sorry it turned out this way. You were being good parents.
I agree that there needs to be greater regulation of CPM’s. We need a system more like homebirthing in the UK. Thank you for bringing to light the dangers of GBS.
@UT This is correct, but perhaps not the place to say this. It would be more appropriate to blog about this yourself with a link to this blog.
@Mike Frisco That’s not appropriate behavior either! This is a blog about Wren and his life and his fathers grief and thoughts. Foul language and anger should be kept off here as well.
Back to you Josh, I wish you and your lovely partner another beautiful pregnancy, labor and baby in near future. You are obviously wonderful parents and I can’t wait for you to have an opportunity to raise a child.
March 10th, 2011 at 8:29 pm
Oh wow. I’m so sorry to hear about Wren. I am truly shocked that the midwives weren’t more pro-active about GBS. Thank you for sharing your story and not holding in your pain.
I understand the pressure of going through with the home birth once you start on that path. I chose to have a home VBAC with my second one. One midwife was very “let’s have a good home birth” and the other was a bit more realistic. Before she could respond to the other midwife I said, “let’s just have a good birth.”
Everyday I am so thankful all turned out well and it breaks my heart whenever I hear of someone having a bad experience. This has truly brought me to tears. I am so sorry. He is a beautiful baby and always will be.
I feel like people are so gung ho in one direction or the other. What about the middle ground? What about safety first? People get so caught up in trying to push people in the direction they think is right, but they forget their right is not everyone’s right.
I wish you two the best. As for trying for another. My best advice is to stop trying and go on vacation. It’s worked for everyone I know (myself included). I highly suggest Hawaii. The ocean there has an amazing way of healing the heart and soul. Not Oahu though. Too much like being here.
Oh and UT, so incredibly inappropriate, insensitive and selfish.
March 10th, 2011 at 8:30 pm
Mike frisco, unhelpful.
UT, also unhelpful.
Yes, CPM’s/LM’s in CA can test for GBS and give IV antibiotics on the same protocol as hospitals. They should give full informed choice in this matter (both the testing and the treatment) and should also give information about warning signs and symptoms of GBS infection along with the information that GBS sepsis can sometimes come on so quickly that a baby can’t be saved (not even if the baby is already in the hospital – that’s why antibiotic *prevention* rather than treatment is the standard). It’s clear that in this case their homebirth midwife did not give informed choice but made the choice for Josh’s family, which should not be part of midwifery care of any sort. It is extremely sad. I’m of the camp that believes it’s also not ok for OB’s to force women to have antibiotics in the hospital but should also give them full informed choice, but it’s forced at nearly 100%.
To Josh, I’m extremely sorry for your loss. I’m sorry that you weren’t given the information you deserved to make the decision for yourself, and that your baby died because of it.
Since you enjoy analogies, what if a doctor said a cesarean was indicated for a reason that ACOG doesn’t consider an indication, that doctor didn’t give information about the risks of cesarean, and then the woman died? (Sadly, I recently read an article about this exact scenario.) I wouldn’t use this to say that doctors are incompetent, I would say that this doctor was egregiously irresponsible in not giving informed consent. Similarly, I take issue with you using your midwife’s error to pass judgment on homebirth and all direct entry midwives, because some – not all – of them have gone to great lengths to make sure their competence is on par with the CNM’s, and truly do give informed consent about every medical standard available to homebirthing women. I don’t expect you to believe me, but I’ve seen both types of midwives.
As you admit yourself, you won’t be able to convince many families away from homebirth. There is a great article called “How to spot an incompetent midwife” which might better serve to protect the families you wish to protect from your horror and grief by giving them the tools to find a highly qualified midwife: http://www.themidwifenextdoor.com/?p=1362
March 11th, 2011 at 5:48 am
I think you WILL convince many families away from homebirths; us, for one. Thank you for opening up and making people really think about this.
March 11th, 2011 at 7:59 am
I watched all the photos and and videos of Wren and cried. My first son was born almost the same days, he’ll be 1 year on 25th of March, I watched your little boy and saw mine…
I don’t know what to say, I can only imagine how you and your spouse can feel now, the sadness, the anger, the need for a reason, and if you were at hospital, and if, if, if.
We don’t know each other, I’m only an italian customer of DH, but I dare to say: try to stop recriminate. There are medical and practical reasons, but any of them will be enough to explain *why* this happened to Wren.
Go on: you wrote you’re trying to have another children. It’s a good thing, just stay calm and don’t make it become an obsession. He’ll arrive and he’ll be precious.
A brotherly hug to both of you and a pray for the little Wren.
March 11th, 2011 at 8:32 am
I’m SO sorry for what you’ve been through. My heart goes out to you and your family and I pray that you find peace.
With that being said, I don’t think that UT was insensitive at all. I’m sorry, but someone has to say it. There are many people who will read this and decide that they do not want a home birth. If you’re anything like me and wanted to avoid major andonimal, life threatening, and in my case unnecessary (and unnecessary in most cases) surgery, than at home is where you need to be. It may very well save you and your babies life, as it most likely did mine. Those statistics that were mentioned about the car accidents are real statistics, but with hospital births, not home births. It is more dangerous to give birth in the US, in a hospital, than to drive a car. Sure, babies are saved every day in a hospital, but chances are the hospital is the reason they needed saving. I hope anyone who is considering home birth reads farther than this blog for their own sake. It very well may be the best for you and your baby.
March 11th, 2011 at 8:53 am
I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I really hope that your courage and willingness to speak out helps others avoid the heartbreak and tragedy.
March 11th, 2011 at 8:59 am
Dearest john,
In Tamil one proverb is there one door closes other door will always open. I know it is a unbearable loss nothing can accomodate with this.
God will give u all the good things down to the earth.
Dont worry be happy.
March 11th, 2011 at 9:19 am
I am so sorry for your families loss. Having lost a child of my own I understand the hurt you are feeling. I pray that you do have another child soon. Wren will never be replaced by a new baby but there can be so much happiness added to your life after the loss of a baby.
I pray that God continues to give you all strength and healing.
March 11th, 2011 at 9:22 am
I’m soo sorry :(
March 11th, 2011 at 9:35 am
I’ve had 2 pregnancies — 1 GBS+, the other GBS-. This time, I’m having a homebirth and won’t be tested for it. At 36 weeks, I’ll be starting to use hibiclens everytime I use the toilet and will use it during labor. It’s quite effective from the studies I’ve seen.
My heart hurts for you. I can’t imagine it’s easy, and I don’t know why someone wouldn’t have informed you about GBS or why it wouldn’t have come up in your own personal research/reading during the pregnancy. Even still, childbirth is ALWAYS with risk, no matter where it happens or with whom. My midwife talked about it at my FIRST prenatal and told me protocol.
Anyway, may you find peace with your decisions and life post-Wren.
March 11th, 2011 at 10:09 am
Thanks for sharing. I wish you and your wife all the best for the future.
March 11th, 2011 at 10:21 am
WOW!! That is all I can think of after reading this. I thank you for posting it but I am truly sorry that you and your wife had to go through this and are still struggling with it. I hope that you will have peace soon. I too had been tested for GBS with both of my children and was positive for both. I had a CNM who would not do a homebirth, nor is it legal in NE. But I’m pretty sure I had the option of not doing the antibiotic, and with my last child I considered not taking it….but now that I read your story it really helped confirm my decision that I did take it. Thank you and God bless you.
March 11th, 2011 at 11:11 am
Alisha, homebirth is legal in every state.
March 11th, 2011 at 12:10 pm
clums, I think you misunderstood.. I’m not saying there aren’t more procedures or complications or uncomfortable/embarassing/confusing situations in a hospital than at home births with CPMs. I’m not saying that people who end up with a healthy baby who had a home birth aren’t on average more satisfied with the experience than those who had a hospital birth.
I’m only saying that the statistics show that the chances *your baby will die* if you have a home birth with a CPM are much higher than if you deliver in a hospital. In fact, you are -adding- an -additional- 1 in 1000 chance your baby will die. Which by my own calculations is 93 times higher than the risk of dying (or killing somebody) when driving drunk.
I agree that it’s much more likely to have your baby die in a hospital on the day of their birth than from any random car trip. It is also much more likely to have your baby die at home with a CPM on the day of their birth than in a hospital.
Birth is just a very dangerous event! I recommend people do their best to take every safety precaution.
Here’s the ranking of most dangerous to least dangerous:
unassisted home birth
home birth with CPM
home birth with CNM
hospital birth
hospital birth with CNM
…
(way less risky)
…
driving drunk
driving sober
All I’m saying, if you realllly want to have a home birth, please at least go with a CNM.
Is there any argument against that?
March 11th, 2011 at 12:15 pm
Heather,
It’s your choice, but I’d strongly recommend you get tested and if you’re positive, take the IV.. what would be your reasoning not to?
Also, about hibiclens, the CDC does not recommend it thanks to this study:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19846212
FINDINGS: Rates of neonatal sepsis did not differ between the groups (chlorhexidine 141 [3%] of 4072 vs control 148 [4%] of 4057; p=0.6518). Rates of colonisation with group B streptococcus in newborn babies born to mothers in the chlorhexidine (217 [54%] of 401) and control groups (234 [55%] of 429] did not differ (efficacy -0.05%, 95% CI -9.5 to 7.9).
INTERPRETATION: Because chlorhexidine intravaginal and neonatal wipes did not prevent neonatal sepsis or the vertical acquisition of potentially pathogenic bacteria among neonates, we need other interventions to reduce childhood mortality.
Also, I think Alisha must have meant, “Practicing as a direct-entry midwife is still (as of May 2006) illegal under certain circumstances in Washington, D.C. and the following states: Alabama, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Maryland, North Carolina, South Dakota and Wyoming.[44] However, Certified Nurse Midwives can legally practice in these areas.” (take with a grain of salt… from wikipedia!)
March 11th, 2011 at 12:18 pm
Can we be honest for a second?
Homebirth is solely for the benefit of selfish obstinate women who put their trivial ephemeral foibles above the entire life of another human being.
Discuss.
March 11th, 2011 at 1:34 pm
Josh, I personally disagree. While I’m sure there are incompetent CPMs out there, I’m sure there are incompetent OBs and CNM, etc. Those incompetent doctors and nurse midwives are the ones who will fill you with harmful drugs and put you through an unnecessary surgery. So personally, I would rather put my trust in an experienced CPM whom I trust and have researched.
For Mark, as a 105 lb, 5′ mother who gave birth to my 9 lb daughter at home, it was the safest thing for me to do. The doctors wanted to cut me open before I even became pregnant. If I had gone through such a needless and risky surgery my daughter and myself would have been at risk. I had no problems birthing normally, and in my opinion that is not selfish. I did what was best for my daughter. The hospitals where I am have c-section rates from 40% to 87%, so forgive me if I do not trust them. The thing that is most dangerous about birth is the hospitals and doctors, and the fear that we instill in women about this process. Like UT said, this shouldn’t become a home birth debate, but calling any woman who birthed at home selfish is out of line and incredibly rude. Whether or not you agree with home birth or not, every woman should be able to make that choice without worrying about being judged.
March 11th, 2011 at 1:39 pm
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story. No doubt it will save lives.
March 11th, 2011 at 1:49 pm
@Mark Do we really have to discuss that here? I mean I guess if Josh is okay with it? Josh are you okay with this?
No Mark I don’t agree with you at all. My mother had me at home along with my brothers because the local hospital in a small town in the South in 1980 had a very high c-section rate, a high rate of infection in the newborns in the nursery (and at that time women weren’t allowed to keep their babies in their room) and the doctors always did an episiotomy. My mother chose home birth because she was scared for not only her own health but the health of her babies and with good reason. Now my mother says there are so many great options in most places she doesn’t think hospital births are a bad idea. Both of my brothers wives were lucky enough to deliver in hospitals naturally with no epidural or interventions of any kind, but with emergency medical help available to them. Unfortunately, some women still live in areas where hospitals are pretty archaic & feel their BABY not only themselves will be safer at home. I also don’t think a women should be forced to sacrifice her own life for a new life as you seem to think?! A women giving labor is still a human being too and has the right to know that 1 in 150,000 people experience long term paralyzation due to having an epidural and it can causes many other problems http://www.anesthesia-analgesia.org/content/98/1/224.full . Also, drugs such as Cytotec and pitocin used to induce labor too often in cases where it was not actually needed lead to an array of health problems for both mother and baby and even death for mother and/or baby. http://www.cytotec.com and http://www.drugwatch.com/pitocin/side-effects.php Many women choose home birth as the safest option for their child and with the full support of a trained ob/gyn as their backup I might add! There have also been many studies that indicate birth by c-section and with an epidural makes it more difficult for a women’s body to adjust after birth and leads to severe depression in the mother’s…this isn’t good for baby either!
I think sometimes you for sure need to be at the hospital to give birth and it’s wonderful women have so many better options then my mother did! My sister-in-law had the most amazing natural hospital delivery last week! But I also think home birth with a qualified midwife can be wonderful and safe and actually the best choice for some women and babies!
I personally spoke to a CPM in Hollywood, CA today about what her standards of care are for a woman who tests positive for GBS and she total me she ALWAYS recommends an IV of antibiotics be administrated during labor at the home birth and the baby and mother be monitored closely for 48 hours afterwards and that the baby see a pediatrician asap after birth. She is professional and well trained. In this case the midwife was not and it’s the individual who should be condemned here not home birth as a whole and certainly not the women who feel it is the best choice for them and their baby!
Josh, I think you are right in that people need to be aware there are some very unqualified midwives in practice and people need to be carefully in choosing who takes care of them and I support you in warning Heather! I hope she changes her mind about using hibiclens yikes!!
Thank you again for bringing these issues to light, Josh and I feel bad even talking about this here, but I felt Mark was really out of line!
March 11th, 2011 at 1:52 pm
Oops I’m sorry the link for cytotec should have been http://www.cytoteccase.com
March 11th, 2011 at 2:05 pm
Thank you for sharing your story. You are incredibly brave.
March 11th, 2011 at 2:09 pm
The reason I would not get a test for it is that I am going to treat myself like I do have it. GBS is a very tricky thing. One day you can test positive for it and the next day, you’ll be negative. It’s a normal bacteria found in a good deal of women. It rarely causes problems. In your case, you guys, for whatever reason, were that rarity, bless your hearts.
The reason I would not have an IV during labor is that you must have 2 rounds over a course of 4 hours or it won’t work. This is my 3rd baby. So far, I’ve had short labors.
Secondly, the antibiotics in the IV also kill the good bacteria that colonize in the brand new babe’s gut leaving it susceptible to a new host of problems.
You’re placing all the blame on homebirth. You’re hurt. You’re angry. You’ve lost your baby. Someone’s gotta get blamed. Homebirth isn’t the reason though. A person who chooses homebirth must undertake the responsibility for that choice. I completely do. Good, bad, indifferent outcome, it has to be that way. A homebirther must be prepared for an unassisted birth as the midwife may not have time to get there… just as a woman planning on a hospital birth may not have time to get there. Birth is not inherently dangerous or our species would have died out LONG ago. I’m not here to argue with you as your heart is hurting and you need support.
The good thing is though, the people you will dissuade from having a homebirth just from reading your blog alone, aren’t prepared or responsible enough for such an undertaking anyway. So in a way, you are doing them and their potential midwife, a huge favor.
March 11th, 2011 at 2:59 pm
I know you’re upset, and you should be directing your anger and sadness at your midwife, not the actual homebirth. We are homebirthing, i’m actually considered high risk, because i’ve had a previous c/s, i’m in australia and paying $5,000 for my homebirth too, but i know my risks, limits, and still have certain testing done. Here, even with private health cover, a private hospital birth will cost you about 5k as well, so its not all free voer here. I had a “free” hospital birth, in fact 3 of them, and they have been horrible experiences. I was interfered with, ignored, told what to do…
The key to a successful HB is education. I sincerely hope your blog doesnt put people off, things can go wrong, but even if your wife and son had been in hospital they might have been since as ignorant and ignored the signs until too late.
March 11th, 2011 at 4:13 pm
Wow- so many assholes here. Clap, clap clap- do you all feel better now for being so self righteous and blaming this couple? It is not the responsibility or the onus of the parents to educate themselves. They hired a midwife to attend their birth and provide prenatal, intrapartum and postpartum care- it is not their fault or responsibility if the birth goes wrong. Their midwife obviously is ill-trained.Unbelievable…it’s just unbelievable that anyone would post some finger wagging lecture here.
March 11th, 2011 at 4:21 pm
You should blame your midwife, not homebirth
my dear friend lost her baby due to a bad choice by a doctor, a choice that didn’t have to be made….yet the beautiful baby girl died…
does that mean all hospital births are Unsafe? No, it means that there are bad care providers.
You can’t blame the homebirth because being AT HOME didn’t cause the death of your child….the Midwife did
March 11th, 2011 at 4:22 pm
“It is not the responsibility or the onus of the parents to educate themselves. They hired a midwife to attend their birth and provide prenatal, intrapartum and postpartum care- it is not their fault or responsibility if the birth goes wrong.”
That faulty and dangerous thinking is why doctors are gods in our societies and why, very much unfortunately, 1 in 3 children are unnecessarily cut out of their mothers. Furthermore, that takes the power away from the parents, particularly the mother and hands it off to the care provider. If you don’t educate yourself, how do you know what kind of “care” you’re even receiving?
March 11th, 2011 at 5:13 pm
Thank you for this wrenching yet lucid and rational blog post. I sincerely hope it does put people off of homebirth. It’s amazing to me how easy it is for some of the most privileged people in the world to take the benefits of modern medicine for granted (see also the anti-vaccine movement, which overlaps significantly with the homebirth movement). If my wife and I had tried a homebirth with our first child, I would not have that daughter today. I hope your blog post can prevent future tragedies like your loss of that wonderful little boy.
March 11th, 2011 at 5:51 pm
Heather please stop you’re making the rest of us look bad!! I keep checking back on this blog to see if I need to do any damage control for the rest of the natural birth community!!
Josh, I sincerely apologize and I want you to know they’re are plenty of professional doula’s, CPM’s, CNM’s and OB’s discussing your story today and trying to make sure we learn something from it so this doesn’t happen to someone else. Since you can’t bring your son back I hope you find a small amount of comfort in knowing that your story will likely save the life’s of babies born at home & in the hospital! You were not negligent! Your midwife and OB were! I wish I could give you and your wife the biggest hug right now :’(
March 11th, 2011 at 6:00 pm
Rain, you’re making birth professionals in general look bad. It’s a sad story, no doubt, but to say the entire situation is the fault of the care provider when every birth and pregnancy book out there (even the mainstream ones) talk about GBS?
March 11th, 2011 at 6:30 pm
Amy, if the midwife told him it was no big deal then that’s a LIE and yes it’s the midwife’s fault! I don’t care how many books its in if a medical professional directly tells you that it’s nothing to worry about and doesn’t insist you go to a pediatrician that day and doesn’t insist you closely monitor the new baby and doesn’t tell you that 2000 newborns die every year from GBS infection because their mother’s didn’t get IV antibiotics then yes it’s the birth professionals fault! If an OB gets back a positive GBS test results and doesn’t call their patient to warn them like they said they would then yes it’s that birth professionals fault. You and Heather and all the other women like you are so self righteous & insensitive it make me sick to my stomach.
March 11th, 2011 at 7:08 pm
I know it was sad, but what you are saying is unfair. First make sure you have a good midwife (all states have different certifying requirements. CPM’s CAN, not are, be just as quilified) Second learn as much as you can, GBS is mentioned in almost all the books I read. Third I was heavily colonized with GBS. My MIDWIVES do an extra test once you test positive, to determine if it is a resistant strain.(Something most Dr’s don’t do) Mine was non-resistant (it responded to penicillin) so I went ahead with a homebirth and had access to an IV of antibiotics. After the birth, we knew the warning signs and looked for them. Homebirth can(doesn’t mean it will) prevents unnecessary complications, so you never will hear anybody say, “if only”. But remember if your wife was infected with a resistant strain there may have been nothing the hospital would(not could) have done.
I feel for you, but base your opinions on science not emotions, I know this is hard with the loss of a child. But, thank you for bringing the information to light so that this doesn’t happen again and parents can be prepared.
March 11th, 2011 at 9:11 pm
I’m so sorry about your loss, and I understand you’re looking for something to blame. But homebirth is NOT your enemy and you are spreading false and misleading information.
March 11th, 2011 at 9:24 pm
I am very sorry for your loss. But I have to say, I have had a planned hospital birth and a planned homebirth with 4 CPM’s in attendance. I had an 11 pound baby in water at home. I would NEVER choose to birth in a hospital again.
The damage done to my body during and after my sons hospital birth led to a full hysterectomy after my daughter’s birth, along with massive abdomial, urinary and rectal repairs. My wooooonderful and highly trained FEMALE OB/GYN butchered me because I wasn’t pushing fast enough for her. (My son was 10 pounds! Give me a minute, and stop making me stay in the stirrups!!)
Homebirth, when planned well, and attended well, IS safer than hospital birth.
March 11th, 2011 at 11:01 pm
I agree that this is not the fault of the parents, and to suggest that is cruel. When I was pregnant I was tested for GBS and had no idea what it even was. My OB never told me. After I decided to homebirth and switched to a midwife I became educated on the matter. I was extremely curious when pregnant and tried to become as educated as possible, hence the home birth, but still never came across this. The care provider should have been the one to inform them of the risks.
March 12th, 2011 at 6:26 am
This is absolutely false information! And scaring people into making a decision based out of fear is incomprehensible! Your care provider IS to blame, but you can’t put this off on all midwives and all homebirth. It’s just false. I am truly sorry for your loss, but please only blame you sole provider. I am a nurse as well as a midwife, understanding all risk involved. I inform all of my clients of their medical situation and test result as well as the implications of all these. There is a very simple treatment for GBS while in labor that does not require an IV and your provider should have made that recommendation. Again, the entire community is not to blame.
March 12th, 2011 at 7:20 am
Note -the protocol that does not involve IV’s is not adequate for all. My plan was to use Hibicleanse protocol but ROM happened before labor began so that was no longer an option. IV it was.
March 12th, 2011 at 12:36 pm
Ánimo Josh! Un abrazo desde México.
March 12th, 2011 at 2:47 pm
I am very sorry for the loss of your son. It’s obvious you are still grieving and looking to figure this out, but it seems also to lay blame. Do you know how many babies die IN the hospitals each year? EAch day? Do you know how many babies contract hospital-born illnesses? You are putting a lot of emotionally-laden words out there that are NOT completely true at all. If your OB didn’t tell you what GBS was or how it is treated, then you should take up major issue with the OB. Also, pretty much every pregnancy book includes at least a paragraph on GBS and how it’s treated and it’s possible complications. Most of the time, treatment is not an IV at all, simply antibiotic pills/capsules to mom and some orals to baby. Homebirths are extremely safe, and that is why they are “becoming popular” again. If more people understand how hospitals really do things and how they really intervene at times they shouldn’t be, and a laboring woman is treated as diseased and having to be ‘fixed’ and on the doc’s time, not hers or the babies…it’s crazy. I see you are speaking from your pain, but turning people away from something so wonderful as a homebirth? Should they know the risks and have a protocol in place in case of xyz? Absolutely! And in my state, in my area, even a baby 3 weeks early would be monitored more closely because they were ‘early’ instead of right near the due date, be it midwife suggesting you go to the hospital, or take baby to a pediatrician, or even a birth in a hospital…
March 12th, 2011 at 4:51 pm
So very sorry for your loss! As a parent myself, I cannot imagine a worse feeling, and I wish you and your family all the best.
March 12th, 2011 at 4:57 pm
It speaks volumes about the attitudes of militant pro-home birthers that they would use this blog about the death of someone’s beloved child as an opportunity to push political agendas. They should be ashamed of themselves, but shame doesn’t seem to be an emotion they’re even capable of registering.
March 12th, 2011 at 4:59 pm
Extremely sorry for you loss, and thank you so much for sharing
March 12th, 2011 at 5:47 pm
This was hard to read about, even for me. I am very sorry for your loss.
I’m an MD, delivered 4 babies in med school as a student in one of the world’s busiest OB hospitals. One had horrific complications; nuchal cord, retained placenta, hemorrhage, grade IV perineal lac, OB/GYN resident nowhere to be found – I saved that lady and her baby because I’d read obsessively in textbooks before I undertook to deliver even 1 baby.
You mentioned that maybe the CNMs learned something in medical school that scared them. CNMs can’t properly be said to have gone to med school; only MDs and DOs do. Goodness knows that during that 6 week OB rotation I read thousands of pages of very abstruse textbooks about what can go wrong and how to fix it. Without years of training in anatomy, physiology, microbiology, pathology, and et cetera, I would have had no context to understand all that information.
Thank you for the courage to share your very unhappy story. You will probably get a lot of flak for it. That also is a tragedy and I hope you will bear it with courage and grace.
March 13th, 2011 at 1:50 am
As difficult as this is to do, can we all read this while taking a step back from our views?
Josh was prompted to do the research into this because of a bad home birth, but he is not stating that home birth is more dangerous simply because his went wrong, nor is he saying that all home births will result in death. He did the research and, as you can see, it shows that, on average, home birth is more dangerous than hospital birth.
Obviously, being statistics, there are outliers on both sides. It is possible to do sufficient research that you can set the conditions of your home birth (the right midwife, ensuring you don’t ignore any risks, whatever) better than the average hospital birth, and it is possible to find hospital births with conditions worse than the average home birth. That is simply the nature of statistics.
We don’t even, at least not here, have such statistics as whether the best hospital birth is better than the best home birth or how much research one would require to close the gap, or a number of other things. But a few things is clear: unless you are willing to devote a significant amount of research into setting up the best conditions (and I mean objectively so rather than silly subjective bits like “it just feels right” or “it’s more natural”), and unless you are highly confident in your research being correct, the best thing you can do is to have a hospital birth. And, as Josh pointed out, if for whatever reason you must have a home birth, having a CNM rather than a CPM makes a world of difference.
March 13th, 2011 at 3:23 am
The fact that you’re even having this debate says long about the state of hospitals in the US, and the trust people place in them. Scary.
That said, Josh, I’m so sorry for your loss. I will be passing along your testimony, first to my 4-months pregnant girlfriend.
March 13th, 2011 at 7:21 am
It’s surprising how only Josh and Chris (#89) seem to understand the bottom-line point here.
We all make decisions all the time. If our goal is to ensure a baby’s safety and a mother’s safety, we can’t look at other people’s individual experiences. We can’t look at one bad thing here and one good thing there. We can’t consider conditionals (“if only X had been educated…”) that rely on “common sense” and are not backed by statistical evidence.
We can _only_ rely on statistics. And the statistics show pretty clearly what Josh posted in the comments above. You are most likely to emerge from childbirth with an alive baby if you are at a hospital.
You can choose otherwise, but do so well-informed. Don’t assume that education changes the relative safety without statistics to back that up. Don’t assume that you’ll be different.
As Chris says, we all know and we all hear about outliers all the time. But I’d never bet on being an outlier, and I’d recommend no one else does either.
Josh, I have a tremendous amount of sadness for you and your family and friends. My best wishes for your continued healing.
Lee
March 13th, 2011 at 9:33 am
I’m so sorry you’ve lost the most precious thing in the world.
I am sad that you are misplacing your anger to the homebirth.
Plenty of babies have died IN hospitals. My friend had a baby in the hospital and her baby died of GBS.
And yes, some babies die BECAUSE of hospitals.Like this one: “… the internal monitor was contaminated with staph and her baby died immediately after birth due to staph infection. I have another friend whose baby died because the hook they used to break her waters with (against her permission) was contaminated with a virus that killed her baby 3 weeks later. ” Link: http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/706720/internal-fetal-monitoring-for-vbac
And this one died from the Hep b shot given to newborns in the hospital: http://www.vaccineriskawareness.com/Ian-s-Life
And “According to epidemiologist Wagner, “It can be reliably estimated that between 1990 and 1999, as a result of the widespread off-label use of Cytotec for vaginal birth after Caesarean section, well over 3,000 women in the United States suffered a ruptured uterus, resulting in at least 100 dead newborn babies.”
March 13th, 2011 at 10:00 am
My wife and I are truly sorry for your loss. It must be devastating and I can’t imagine the pain you are feeling. Nothing but love and prayers and good thoughts to your family.
That being said, the strep IV should have been administered by the attending midwife. She should be held accountable for such a failure as it can and routinely is administered during home births. This is a case of medical mal-practice and not an argument against home births. If anyone thinks that the strep IV has never been forgotten at modern hospitals you’re wrong.
March 13th, 2011 at 4:35 pm
I came here looking for something else, but feel compelled to share my condolences after reading this post. Holy cow, I can’t imagine your sorrow.
That said, it won’t stop me from saying what I know, as an RN and having studied birthing for most of my life. I know you need something to believe right now, and I don’t necessarily want to take that away, but this isn’t a time for blame. Statistically, with data culled over the past century, hospital births have higher mortality rates than home births in the USA. ( Recommended reading: http://www.amazon.com/Born-USA-Broken-Maternity-Children/dp/0520245962 ) I have seen babies die of group B strep in the hospital as well. It’s TERRIBLE and never fair, but it’s certainly nobody’s fault. And this is not really the time for you to decide that the way females have been having babies for hundreds of thousands of years is wrong. What is wrong is Group B Strep. Attack that Strep! Gung ho!
RIP little Wren.
March 13th, 2011 at 7:19 pm
I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for using it to help others.
We were in l&d at 33 weeks with our first; they thought we would be delivering very soon due to low fluid.
I knew enough to know my strep levels had not been tested. I got very insistent that it be done and they did — still, I didn’t realize it was this important. I just knew it needed doing.
I would also like to encourage people to really think safety and not to only think of their preferred birth plan.
I ended up not delivering at 33 weeks, but I sat on bedrest for a long time. I felt like a failure because I would have a c-section due to breech positioning and low fluid.
After many days, my other life working on safety panels started to yell to me: safety first — what are the controls for the risk factors?
I had 30 days to think this through and regain the correct focus. I got past feeling guilty and thinking all those sites about breech home births knew better than my doctors.
I came to the same conclusion you did: healthy mom, healthy baby. Nothing else matters. (You, unfortunately, know that even better than me.)
I’m a pragmatic person. I don’t do very many alternative medicine things. Yet, even I felt a lot of pressure against a c-section which was completely necessary in our case. I encourage everyone to think about safety first.
Again, so sorry for your loss. I hope it helps people gain proper focus.
March 13th, 2011 at 10:31 pm
I am literally crying looking at the pictures you have posted and all of the things you must have gone through.
I became a father about a week after you and am celebrating my sons first birthday this week. Our son had the cord wrapped around his neck and it was literally the most horrifying 35 minutes of my life. Everything turned out ok – but thank god we were not doing a “homebirth”. I understand the reasons people want to do them – but it is, as you said, a very calculated risk.
Please do not give up on having children. They are amazing
gifts from God. My heart is heavy for you and your family – and I will definitely pray that you find comfort (I am sure this will not be an easy month) … Also, thank you for sharing your experience (I am sure it was very difficult) but the awareness you have raised might help someone else from having to go through the horror that you and your family experienced…
March 14th, 2011 at 10:19 am
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss Josh :-( That must be such an awful thing to go through. My heart goes out to your and your family, and I will share your story with my friends and relatives in the hopes that they can learn from it.
Thank you for sharing your story with us, I know it must have been very difficult to talk about it.
March 14th, 2011 at 10:37 am
I had a very scary time with a home-birth that led into some complications. While the outcome in my case wasn’t anywhere near as tragic as yours, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone else. Thanks for sharing.
March 14th, 2011 at 11:32 am
I can’t stop crying. This has made a real impression on me, and I will undoubtedly share your story, information and links with anyone I know who is considering a home birth. Wren was perfect. I wish peace and healing for you guys.
March 14th, 2011 at 1:18 pm
Josh,
I came to the blog looking for information on an outage and ended up reading your post, which totally put today’s email snafu in perspective. I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope you know posting your story will help a lot of people, like me, who are making decisions about how to handle an upcoming birth. I wish you and your family peace and healing.
March 14th, 2011 at 3:56 pm
CNMs deliver in hospitals because they can’t get insurance to cover them working in homes. Most of them would probably handle home births if they could. Home births are quite common worldwide.
As unfortunate as your situation is, I don’t think it had anything to do with having a home birth. It appears to have had a lot more to do with lack of communication between your OB and your midwife and possibly poor record-keeping on the part of your OB, assuming that files were properly shared with your midwife.
Alas, things go wrong in the hospital as well and we don’t blame the venue for the problem, do we?
March 14th, 2011 at 4:18 pm
Josh – my deep sympathies…and thank you for posting….this was heartbreaking to read, and informative…
March 14th, 2011 at 4:57 pm
Josh, I am very sorry for your loss and bad days. I don’t have any kids myself but I would dread something like this I know I would. I hope you and your wife don’t give up and hope that you can have kids in time.
And to the people arguing in this post…really? Your really going to turn this into a trolling post? Jesus!
March 15th, 2011 at 1:55 am
As many previous poster’s have pointed out.
“– GBS can be tested for during late pregnancy by a homebirth midwife and treated during a home labor with IV antibiotics. Just to be clear – not testing/refusing antibiotics is a parents choice not a shortcoming of homebirth.”
It’s easy to blame the homebirth, but the blame is on a lack of information and knowledge among the doctors and parents, not the birthing method, infact, the homebirth went perfectly and proved to do everything it should. Safely birth a baby.
It’s sad now that you have this blog you are scaring untold numbers of people by slandering homebirths and CPNs when the hospital doctors and you made the screw up. However, Nature creates these risks so you shouldn’t blame anyone and is also why it has a method for you and your wife to conceive another child and you can have another baby within the year. Best of Luck.
March 15th, 2011 at 6:42 am
@Craig — nuchal cords are very common — so common in fact, that 1 in 3 babes come out with them.
It does not surprise me that most of the comments placing blame on homebirth and midwives are coming from men — whose sole purpose in a woman’s labor/birth is to do and be what the woman wants/needs. If she wants a homebirth, it is your job to support her. If she wants a hospital birth, it is your job to support. It is not your job to dissuade her or scare her or make her feel like her body isn’t good enough or that she’s not capable of doing her job — which is to get a baby from Point A to Point B and have a damn good time doing it.
March 15th, 2011 at 8:03 am
Josh, I have missed your newsletters (not that Brett’s are bad, or anything) and had hoped you had moved on to bigger things like a cabin on a private island, paid for by those of us with PS service at DH. I still giggle when I think about the one where you told us about your new dishwasher. I know you never thought your new dishwasher would ever see such pain. I send hugs to you and your wife and your beautiful son.
Nothing will ever replace your child.
I am so very sorry you did not receive the information you needed to make GBS the non-event it could have been – in home or hospital. Life is about choices, and there is always the what if…
From the time of conception we would all love a guarantee. A guarantee that nothing bad will ever happen, that our children will die long after us, in the ‘natural’ progression of things. Oh, how I sometimes wish those guarantees came standard.
Having personally given birth both at hospitals and at home I can honestly say that being in the hospital does not guarantee a live baby any more than being at home guarantees death. A hospital could not guarantee me a quick fix or a different outcome when the ultrasound showed us the very still heart on our unborn child. No matter where it happens I know the first instinct is to lash out, protect anyone else from the hurt which you feel you could have prevented. The truth is, you will never know what could-have-been.
I wish for you and your wife the peace that can come with knowing you did the best you could with the information you had at the time. Now you have new information, and will make different choices. I just hope you realize that different choices do not = guarantee.
Hugs and DH-family kisses.
March 15th, 2011 at 8:42 am
My condolences on your loss, but the “Official DreamHost Blog” does not seem to be an appropriate forum to bring up this subject. I came to here learn more about DreamHost, not the medical profession.
March 15th, 2011 at 10:33 am
I’m very sorry for your loss, Josh.
Thanks for sharing the data to consider with birthing choices. I hope it will help people make a more statistically informed choice instead of gut-feel about what seems “best”. I’m sure enough people will read this that it will save a life, somewhere out there, and I only wish you could know when that does happen.
March 15th, 2011 at 2:13 pm
So? What the hell has this to do with the disasters of DreamHost? It ‘s a viral marketing technique that? But who gives a fuck!
March 15th, 2011 at 3:00 pm
@Micho — DH disasters are so few when balanced by the personal touch Josh brought to DH for so many years – and for many more, I hope.
I hope you never feel the pain Josh waited so long to write about here. But if you do experience anything like it, I hope nobody purposefully tries to hurt you with a comment such as the one you left here. Peace to you.
March 15th, 2011 at 5:09 pm
I just wanted to take a moment and express the sadness I feel for you and Tweeny. I can’t imagine the grief you have gone through and must still be going through. Wren was a beautiful baby boy, and I know that he knew every second just how much you both loved him. I appreciate the strength it must have taken for you to write this blog about him, and it shows what kind of person you are, that you can deal with your own pain in order to help others understand more about this very real risk.
My prayers will be with you both as you continue to cope with Wren’s passing.
March 15th, 2011 at 7:15 pm
Thank you for sharing your story. It was very brave of you. I am so sorry to the tragic & senseless loss of your beautiful baby. :(
I think there is definitely a green/crunchy trend towards homebirths. I know I wondered if I was being weak or maybe not womanly enough for not trying a homebirth. I also thought now that I have one and “know” what to expect maybe if we ever do it again I should try a homebirth. But your story and stats (love facts!) has made me feel brave enough to proudly head to the hospital should the need ever arrive again.
I want to sit here and argue the naysayers and trolls but know they are posting in ignorance. Most are probably blessed to have never experienced loss, and I’m sure none in a similar manner.
Best wishes and future happy days to you and yours.
March 15th, 2011 at 7:23 pm
Heartbreaking! :(
(I don’t pray but) Tweeny and you are in my thoughts!
I wish you a happy future with your coming kids!
They will have great parents!
March 15th, 2011 at 11:17 pm
“It does not surprise me that most of the comments placing blame on homebirth and midwives are coming from men — whose sole purpose in a woman’s labor/birth is to do and be what the woman wants/needs. If she wants a homebirth, it is your job to support her.”
That is one of the most asinine and selfish things I’ve ever read. Extending your argument, it appears that men should have no say in their children at all.
I’m sure you wouldn’t say that men shouldn’t pay for the doctor’s bills regarding home birth, eh? But why not? I see, so men are on the hook for all the responsibility but none of the decisions. That is thinking driven out of desperation about an agenda, not rationality.
If my wife had insisted on the lunacy of home birth, I would have done everything in my power to dissuade her. Why? Because I’m an equal partner in creating the child – including responsibility for its welfare. Fortunately, my wife is sensible and we never considered risking our child’s life unnecessarily. And they’ve had their vaccines, too. Why throw 6,000 years of human progress out the window?
Please wipe the foam off your mouth and realize that parenthood has zero to do with feminist issues. Next you’ll be saying that abortion is all right and fathers shouldn’t have any say about it or something ridiculous like that.
March 16th, 2011 at 4:56 pm
Wow… this went from “ooooh they had a baby! took some time off!” to something much more profound and real. I had no idea this was even a thing. Thanks for getting the word out, Josh. We missed you. Sorry about all of this.
March 16th, 2011 at 11:55 pm
I am very sorry for your loss.
As a homebirth midwife, I require GBS testing of all my moms at 35weeks. If they are positive, they get either prophyllactic antibiotics orally and in labor or 4.8 million units of penicillin IM if they are not allergic. This is a requirement not an option if they wish to have a homebirth. I have known about GBS and have been following this protocol for at least 20 years.I read on Medscape that there are numbers of babies who require NICU care despite maternal IV antibiotics. Perhaps this prophyllactic treatment is as effective if not more so since it is preventative. I also teach my students that the natural treatment for GBS is antibiotics.
It is understandable to generalize a bad experience to say that all homebirths are dangerous. I would refer your readers to the CPM 2000 study published in the British Medical Journal 2005;330:1416 that supports the safety of homebirth for low risk women.
I also invite a discussion about the autonomy of women and the right to choose, with appropriate informed consent, the place where she gives birth.
Thank you.
March 17th, 2011 at 12:15 am
Hey, uh, Farrah…
What’s this got to do with right to choose and autonomy? Statistics, man. Data. Facts. Because YOU never had a kid die under your care doesn’t mean a kid NEVER will, because the data says so. If Josh and Tweeny knew then what they knew now they wouldn’t do it. An extra 1/1000 chance of your kid dying isn’t worth it. Good for you and your support of antibiotics. Have a cookie.
“Thank you.”
March 17th, 2011 at 3:07 am
I just wish I could file a support ticket to give you guys a hug. Or something. Lame as that sounds…
March 17th, 2011 at 7:48 am
Watching my son turn blue in the hospital and have trouble taking his first breaths while my wife bled convinced me that a hospital is the right place for my children to be born.
Would a home birth have saved both of them? Maybe.
Was it ever in doubt that the hospital would save both of them? Never.
This isn’t about GBS or what did happen. This is about what could happen. Hospitals can handle the unknowable better than my house.
March 17th, 2011 at 8:12 am
My heart breaks for you. Its easy to go back and say “I should have made a different choice” Try not to beat your self up over it. There are many children who come into this world thru home births who do very well. I would say the OB is at fault for not following thru with the information about the positive results for GBS. Better communication between the prenatal care provider and the delivery “team” could have prevented this poor babies death and the parents horrible loss. He knew it and didnt share it. Its horribly sad. Keep trying. God provides.
March 17th, 2011 at 9:33 am
I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t know how it is to lose a child myself but I did have a 7 month old nephew pass so I do understand the pain. I wish all of the best for you and your wife, your family and friends. May the future hold new beginnings for you and yours.
March 17th, 2011 at 5:27 pm
I am so sorry for your huge loss. While it is little solace, I am positive someone reading your story will re-consider their decision to home birth. And perhaps, as a result another family will be spared this grief.
I see posts from home birth midwives saying that they provide IV antibiotics. How are these drugs obtained and given? Can these unlicensed and unregulated care providers prescribe? I don’t understand this.
March 18th, 2011 at 7:21 am
lots of love to you, your wife, and your little wren.
my two sons were born through c-sections… i often wished for a natural delivery with my second, but in the end there were enough red flags that it would have been too risky. in the end a healthy baby is what we all hope for.
March 18th, 2011 at 10:16 am
Josh,
I am deeply sorry for your loss.
I don’t think I can even imagine how much painful it is, and I appreciate your willpower in writing your story as an advice.
I don’t want to sound trivial, but I believe you have to be strong for you and your wife.
Once I heard this:
“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.”
March 20th, 2011 at 10:47 am
I ran across your article on your son doing some research on web hosting, although I do not know you Josh, there are no words that can or will take the pain away from your tragic loss,as a father of three boys my heart goes out to you and your wife.
I am so sorry
March 22nd, 2011 at 8:06 am
I had to share this story with my wife. We both were very moved by it and our hearts ache for you and your wife.
March 22nd, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Very sorry to hear of your loss Josh, my condolences to you and your family. Thank you for sharing your story.
March 25th, 2011 at 10:17 am
I’ve missed your blog posts and newsletters, Josh, but hearing why you haven’t been writing them is heartbreaking. My deepest sympathies to you and your wife.
April 5th, 2011 at 5:15 pm
Thanks for sharing your story. Your loss save a lot of other lives.
April 5th, 2011 at 10:48 pm
Josh and family, I am so terribly sorry. How difficult for this time of year to roll around and having expected things to be so different. I know the feeling – I lost my son suddenly at age 16. There is no experience that can compare to losing a precious child. It is my hope that your experience will be used to make more people aware of GBS, to add to the warnings of homebirths, and possibly other things you can’t even imagine now. Josh, you built a successful business, you can now build a successful legacy in Wren’s honor and I have no doubt that you are doing so. Your willingness to speak-up and having the courage to speak-out will go a long way toward making a legacy of Wren’s short – but powerful – life. Peace to you, your lovely wife, and to Wren.
April 6th, 2011 at 5:45 am
Josh,
I feel for you.
But you are doing a disservice to everyone who reads this blog post. Home birth is, in many cases, safer for both the mother and child than a hospital birth.
There are thousands of babies and mothers who have died as a direct result of hospital interventions in the birth process. There are also thousands who have had their babies disfigured by all sorts of “tools” that doctors have used over the ages.
The infant mortality rate in the United States is among the highest of all industrialized nations. This is despite us having one of the highest percentage of hospitalized births in the world.
A disservice has been done to you. But it is a bit irresponsible to make a devil out a whole community of trained professionals for the misdeeds of one.
April 6th, 2011 at 7:09 am
Josh,
I am so, so sorry for you loss. Your post made me sob. I’m a father of two boys, 7 and 4, so this really hits me in my heart.
I can’t imagine what you and your wife have gone through in the past year. From one human to another, you have my deepest most sympathies and best wishes for the future.
Gary
April 6th, 2011 at 7:33 am
Man I am sorry that you experienced such a heart breaking loss. I can tell from your writing that you struggle with the guilt of accepting a home birth, and then loosing your most precious child as a result of what in retrospect you feel like was a complacent decision. I pray that you can forgive, and maybe take comfort in knowing that your story will enlighten others to focus on the result as you said and not the foo foo process. I pray for you, I hope you and your wife can get pregnant again, and experience the love that a child brings to your life.
Jaye
April 6th, 2011 at 8:22 am
My condolences, Josh. I can only begin to imagine the pain and sorrow you must have felt–and probably still feel to this day–over the loss of Wren.
If it’s any consolation, the fact that you’ve shared your story may prevent some other couple from having to go through what you have, and for that reason (and probably many, many others), Wren’s death wasn’t in vain.
Hang in there!
Doug
April 6th, 2011 at 9:13 am
Josh,
My thoughts go out to you and your family. Reading this reminds me of one of the reasons we had our daughter at the hospital.
Thank you so much for sharing; I, too, hope it helps make more of a difference.
I am terribly sorry for your loss. Best wishes to you and yours.
Stay strong!
Jason
- Happily Donated
April 6th, 2011 at 11:37 am
So deeply sorry for your family’s loss, Josh. I just can’t imagine the pain you still feel when you think about Wren.
I hope that couples considering how to approach childbirth will see past the emotional comments above in order to see the message that I saw in your post: “educate yourself”
Many of the people pointed out the negatives with hospital births: possibly more C-sections than necessary, techniques that can harm the baby, infection, financial/insurance pressures, etc. I’m personally of the opinion that these are valid concerns.
However, as you and others point out, there are negatives with homebirths too, including the tragedy that befell Wren.
As you wisely pointed out, one must make an *informed* decision, and this includes understanding the statistical risks of the different options. Obviously, emotional and spiritual needs must enter into the decision as well.
For me, the key sentence that I believe informs your entire post (and reply #60) is “I’m okay with that [choosing home birth]. I just want people to make their decision educated with the best possible information.”
I truely hope that the people who (I believe falsely) accuse you of a disservice, or of blaming home birth, would see the important messages you tried to deliver:
– anecdotes are real and emotional, but are not to be confused with statistics
– the level training of those attending is critical
– for non-hospital births, review the coordination/communication that is standard procedure in hospital-births
– educate yourself
– prepare yourself
Josh, to follow up your unthinkable pain with an effort to encourage people to become informed with the facts and statistical data was an extremely important thing to do. Thank you.
April 6th, 2011 at 9:01 pm
I’m sorry for your loss. It’s is a frightening infection, I used to do research on GBS. Although I know many people who have done homebirths successfully, including my sis (4), I think your advice is great and fair, especially given your closeness to your experience. I find Auteur severe and over the top. On the other hand, your call to be educated (and not just for ID — many bizarre things can unluckily go wrong, things that no one could predict) is keen.
Again, I’m so sorry for you loss.
I found out about this from the GBS fundraising drive, we’ll be donating.
April 12th, 2011 at 7:38 pm
Hi Josh, thanks for sharing your story and the beautiful pictures of Wren. Our son Noah was born at home and had a lung infection, Strep B, i believe, spending the next 10 days in the hospital. He came through and so did we, i’m grateful to write, and it pains me that Wren did not. Why did one child make it and another not? I think part of the answer is to allow the question to just be and not to try to answer to comfort ourselves. Grief as you point out, is messy and unfortunately, required for all of us to endure until it’s done with us.
You have a lot of great things to say about what happened to your son. I don’t think blaming home births or midwives is really the answer. I just watched “The Business of Being Born” and am reminded that a website “hurt by hospitals” would have far more entries that “hurt by homebirth.” It’s true that homebirths with well trained and experienced midwives (my wife being one trained in Germany, i should add in full disclosure) in many countries are found to be statistically safer to mother and child, but they aren’t full-proof, and neither is a hospital birth. The reality is, birth is a life and death encounter every time. We can try to minimize this by maximizing medical interventions, and we can also minimize this with time-tested midwifery accompaniment. Or a combination of the two, which is what most industrialized countries have – and with better infant/maternal mortality rates than the US.
I don’t think the answer is to vilify homebirths or midwives. There is already a lot of fear-mongering out there in the medical community – and pop culture – a community that knows very little about how human babies have been born naturally – and proliferating – for millions of years before “medicine” got involved. I would be sad to see your beautiful and powerful voice added to that chorus of paranoia.
Indeed, as i look at your beautiful pictures, i am mostly just grateful for your sharing. The world of birth – and well, the world – is pretty messy and sad sometimes. But it’s also a lot more. I hope you can experience a lot more of those other sides of birth and life too!
blessings,
chris
April 13th, 2011 at 7:45 am
I post this here as some of the data upon which people will base their decisions is reported by medscape to be flawed. It is important to remember that statistics can be skewed, and it is even more important to remember when the fact-gathering upon which those statistics are based is, well, flawed.
http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/739987_7?src=stfb
Continued hugs to you and everyone touched by Wren’s life and death.
April 14th, 2011 at 3:21 pm
I am so sorry for your loss.
It’s obvious you were so excited about this pregnancy — the cute pregnancy photo shoot, all the videos and pictures attest to that.
However, I can’t get my head around how you didn’t know about GBS being serious even without your midwife telling you? GBS colonization of the urine (as your wife had) is a big deal — when my sister had it, she researched the heck out of it. And every pregnancy book I’ve read (I’ve read 7 so far in my pregnancy) talks about GBS screening and infection, and its consequences. I know you must have read pregnancy books with the same gusto you approached taking photos and videos. So why the lack of information?
My heart breaks for you, very sad.
April 16th, 2011 at 12:22 am
I’m a midwife, and a homebirth mom and I am totally nauseated by the responses you have gotten here Josh. Seriously people, WTF? Someone’s blog is never the place to promote your political agenda. Josh, you keep on going. You highlighted a real and important problem in most alternative medical communities including midwifery- failure to specify to consumers when a treatment is evidence based, and when it is not. You were presented with vaginal garlic as if it were equivalent to IV antibiotics in efficacy and science when it isn’t. That’s totally messed up. Someone can choose to use whatever they want to treat a health problem, but the person promoting it has a responsiblity to present factual information. Ypur midwives probably genuinely thought it worked because they were told that by someone who was told that. I tell my clients, that if they are concerned about GBS there is only one research based solution- IV antibiotics. And someone with a GBS UTI is so incredibly high risk, I would have made that abundantly clear.
People are missing the overwhelming point which is that non- nurse midwives have no unified body of education, and no way for the consumer to really know what their background or beliefs are. And I am saying this to you as a non- nurse midwife. It’s a problem. I recognize this. It’s a shame others feel so threatened by highlighting it that they can’t even allow someone with a personal tradgedy to voice the concern without trying to silence it.
I am so sorry for your loss, and I wish you the best.
April 16th, 2011 at 4:46 pm
I am so sorry (((((HUGS))))). The videos of your precious son brought me to tears. I am so sorry you have had to endure such heartache.
I just had baby #3 two months ago- by C-section. I had been planning a 2nd home birth (my 2nd child was a home birth VBAC, with a CNM, which had been a successful but very long and difficult birth). This time I was planning another VBAC but did not want another homebirth (my pain had been too great with the hb since there is no pain relief), so I planned a hospital VBAC with my OB. I was overdue (as I had been with my hb baby- that baby had been born at almost 43 weeks) and my OB told me 42 weeks was my cutoff, after that he was required to do a C-section. I was in tears, I really wanted another vag birth! Then an u/s estimated the baby to be a pound or two heavier than my first two children. Also… I was found to be GBS positive at 35 weeks pregnant, so my OB refused to strip my membranes (thank goodness). I was determine to go into labor, I even went to get acupuncture to start labor, but nothing. When I was 42 weeks and 1 day I realized I had had this trickling of liquid off and on for days but thought it couldn’t be my water, because when your water breaks it gushes, right? Wrong! I told the doc and was immediately tested to see if it was amniotic fluid (if your water breaks and you are GBS+ the risk goes way up that baby will be infected). They told me to go straight to the hospital- turns out my water had been broken for days and I didn’t know it!!! The OB on call said they were going to do an immediate C-section. My husband called our doula, and she said I didn’t have to consent to a C-section and that I could leave and use Hibiclens, etc, but I had a gut feeling that I would be stupid to walk out of that hospital. I got the C-section, everything went great (I did also get an hour’s worth of IV antibiotics). I don’t regret it for one second… you don’t play around with GBS. I was agree that those in the NBC (natural birthing community) treat GBS like it’s nothing. I have good friends in the NBC so I am not bashing them, they really do want to help women. But sometimes the best way to help is to recommend a hospital birth.
April 22nd, 2011 at 9:18 am
I am so very sorry for your loss! My co-worker lost her first baby as a stillborn at 26 weeks due to the large amounts of group-b strep she had, but that was before she was even far enough along to be tested for group b strep in her pregnancy! Because of her first experience, when she got pregnant again her doctors tested her for group b strep early and often and it kept coming back positive so she was on anti-biotics every couple of weeks throughout her 2nd pregnancy if her group b numbers got too high.
My brother-in-law’s sister was induced at 21 weeks (again before she was even tested for group b in her pregnancy) because her group b strep numbers were so high she became septic. Her daughter lived for 4 minutes before dying.
I understand well the serious effects of group b strep, although in these 2 cases the only thing that could have prevented these babies’ deaths would have been EARLIER testing in pregnancy which even doctors don’t commonly do unless there has been an previous pregnancy with early onset of group B strep…. It is so sad that babies die of group B strep under OBs care even in the hospital because they don’t test earlier in pregnancy.
Again, I am so sorry for your loss.
April 22nd, 2011 at 9:25 am
And I forgot to write what I was thinking: that when your wife gets pregnant again that you ask your doctor to test her earlier in pregnancy for group b strep because babies can and have died of it before the standard testing at 32 weeks.
April 28th, 2011 at 1:31 am
I love you guys both incredibly and miss Wren a lot.
I’m glad you wrote this (even with some of these ridiculous blog responders that I will never understand and of which I can now be associated with! AH!) and FYI you’re the best people ever and I look forward to happy memories from here on out!
LOVE ALWAYS
:)