How to be a Famous Blogger

May 18, 2007 on 9:28 am | In Funnyish, Musings, Rants, Tech News by Josh Jones | 16 Comments

The Man, The Legend, The Doof

As I see it, there are THREE ways to become a world internet-famous blogger.

1. Already be famous, and start blogging.

Please Hammer, don’t blog it!

(Tip… a good way to be famous is to be an entertainer, pro athlete, politician, serial murderer, or very rich.)

2. Read other famous blogs and respond to each and every one of their posts with insightful, witty, and above-all-else flattering commentary. Eventually one of them will link back to you, and you’re on your way! It’s all very incestuous.

Joi to the world, he’s not from heroes, let earth re-read his blog!

(Tip… if you can’t think of anything witty to respond with yourself, just read the comments to their post! Then, make your post a simple re-phrasing of the best ones!)

3. Make lots of wild, zany, crazy, insane, wacky, looney, and controversial predictions on your blog… eventually you’ve got to get one right, and you’ll be instantly rocketed into the blogosphere stratosphere!

Resistance is futile!

(Tip… the easiest controversy is to just say the opposite of what makes sense.)

There. Now, let me get to the task of becoming a famous blogger myself!

First off, there’s nobody taller, younger, richer, smarter, AND funnier than me in the world, so in a way, you could say I’m already famous. Check off #1.

The Dread Pirate Arrrrrrrrrrrrrington!

Now, let me just say, Michael Arrington, I believe we can probably expect to see this type of thing increasing in the future, “stockhacking”. Also, I’ve always thought you had nice, strong thighs.

Mark Cuban is round.

Secondly, Mark Cuban, I must say you’ve overlooked one thing – human instinct. I do still admire your great wealth.

Even women blog, I hear.

And finally, I want to comment to Arianna Huffington that you couldn’t be more right about withdrawl (sic), … we never should have went in. In fact, I think you’re always right because you’re very, very, smart.

Blammo, so long #2.

Bob Scob!

Let me end this post with something all of you should have seen coming for a long time..

Google will announce their acquisition of Commission Junction on a Tuesday in July. Check back next week sometime for irrefutable proof of this barely unsubstantiated rumor-fact!

Thank you, #3.

Now I

P.S. it also never hurts to manipulate digg!


16 Responses to “How to be a Famous Blogger”

  1. emmy Says:
    May 18th, 2007 at 11:15 am

    I have just wasted 5 minutes of my life that I will never get back on nonsense!

  2. Ed Says:
    May 18th, 2007 at 12:26 pm

    How true everything you just said was. And might I add that your 5-o’clock shadow looks particularly smashing?

    (See local blog for prediction of date of 478th Dreamhost account sign-up out of next 500. Actually, don’t. It’s gonna be in three days.)

  3. TB Says:
    May 18th, 2007 at 12:41 pm

    Wow…floss?

  4. faragerri Says:
    May 18th, 2007 at 1:03 pm

    I clicked on all the 3 websites given by the posters before, please to do as well with mine ,)

  5. th Says:
    May 18th, 2007 at 4:28 pm

    where do you all think your coming from? do you live in other peoples lives? and the people that sponge off it- publisists! are THE lowest form of life
    ciao ciao
    bella

  6. BUGabundo Says:
    May 19th, 2007 at 9:20 am

    Another nonsense blog post…
    Can anyone control Josh anymore?

  7. Dallas Says:
    May 19th, 2007 at 10:36 am

    While I do find some of Josh’s posts to be a bit more nonsense than funny, I think this one is maybe his funniest yet!

  8. Paul Says:
    May 21st, 2007 at 9:25 am

    I just want to add if all else fail, get a domain name – internet famous like myself. :P

  9. Scott Says:
    May 21st, 2007 at 2:18 pm

    Well to be honest, I found this blog after a failed job interview. I got lost and was almost an hour late. Josh was nice enough to still interview me. I didn’t get the job, but I did learn about this awesomely incredible blog. And the best way to get famous… A myspace account! Mine is above. And to put a happy ending on this Texas tale, I got another job making almost three times as much. So I feel like I’ve been famous for about six seconds by rambling on. ;)

  10. no Says:
    May 23rd, 2007 at 10:53 am

    AL-QAIDA GROUP OF JIHAD IN IRAQ (a.k.a. AL-QAIDA GROUP OF JIHAD IN
    THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA IN IRAQ; a.k.a. AL-
    QAIDA IN MESOPOTAMIA; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA IN THE LAND OF THE TWO
    RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA OF JIHAD IN IRAQ; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA OF JIHAD
    ORGANIZATION IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA OF THE
    JIHAD IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-TAWHID; a.k.a. AL-
    ZARQAWI NETWORK; a.k.a. JAM’AT AL TAWHID WA’AL-JIHAD; a.k.a.
    TANZEEM QA’IDAT AL JIHAD/BILAD AL RAAFIDAINI; a.k.a. TANZIM QA’IDAT
    AL-JIHAD FI BILAD AL-RAFIDAYN; a.k.a. THE MONOTHEISM AND JIHAD
    GROUP; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION BASE OF JIHAD/COUNTRY OF THE TWO
    RIVERS; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION BASE OF JIHAD/MESOPOTAMIA; a.k.a.
    THE ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE IN IRAQ; a.k.a. THE
    ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS;
    a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE OF OPERATIONS IN IRAQ;
    a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE OF OPERATIONS IN THE
    LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF JIHAD’S BASE IN
    THE COUNTRY OF THE TWO RIVERS) [FTO] [SDGT]

    AL-QAIDA GROUP OF JIHAD IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS (a.k.a. AL-
    QAIDA GROUP OF JIHAD IN IRAQ; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA IN IRAQ; a.k.a. AL-
    QAIDA IN MESOPOTAMIA; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA IN THE LAND OF THE TWO
    RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA OF JIHAD IN IRAQ; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA OF JIHAD
    ORGANIZATION IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA OF THE
    JIHAD IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-TAWHID; a.k.a. AL-
    ZARQAWI NETWORK; a.k.a. JAM’AT AL TAWHID WA’AL-JIHAD; a.k.a.
    TANZEEM QA’IDAT AL JIHAD/BILAD AL RAAFIDAINI; a.k.a. TANZIM QA’IDAT
    AL-JIHAD FI BILAD AL-RAFIDAYN; a.k.a. THE MONOTHEISM AND JIHAD
    GROUP; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION BASE OF JIHAD/COUNTRY OF THE TWO
    RIVERS; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION BASE OF JIHAD/MESOPOTAMIA; a.k.a.
    THE ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE IN IRAQ; a.k.a. THE
    ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS;
    a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE OF OPERATIONS IN IRAQ;
    a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE OF OPERATIONS IN THE
    LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF JIHAD’S BASE IN
    THE COUNTRY OF THE TWO RIVERS) [FTO] [SDGT]

    AL-QAIDA IN IRAQ (a.k.a. AL-QAIDA GROUP OF JIHAD IN IRAQ; a.k.a.
    AL-QAIDA GROUP OF JIHAD IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-
    QAIDA IN MESOPOTAMIA; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA IN THE LAND OF THE TWO
    RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA OF JIHAD IN IRAQ; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA OF JIHAD
    ORGANIZATION IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA OF THE
    JIHAD IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-TAWHID; a.k.a. AL-
    ZARQAWI NETWORK; a.k.a. JAM’AT AL TAWHID WA’AL-JIHAD; a.k.a.
    TANZEEM QA’IDAT AL JIHAD/BILAD AL RAAFIDAINI; a.k.a. TANZIM QA’IDAT
    AL-JIHAD FI BILAD AL-RAFIDAYN; a.k.a. THE MONOTHEISM AND JIHAD
    GROUP; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION BASE OF JIHAD/COUNTRY OF THE TWO
    RIVERS; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION BASE OF JIHAD/MESOPOTAMIA; a.k.a.
    THE ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE IN IRAQ; a.k.a. THE
    ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS;
    a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE OF OPERATIONS IN IRAQ;
    a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE OF OPERATIONS IN THE
    LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF JIHAD’S BASE IN
    THE COUNTRY OF THE TWO RIVERS) [FTO] [SDGT]

    AL-QAIDA IN MESOPOTAMIA (a.k.a. AL-QAIDA GROUP OF JIHAD IN IRAQ;
    a.k.a. AL-QAIDA GROUP OF JIHAD IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS;
    a.k.a. AL-QAIDA IN IRAQ; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA IN THE LAND OF THE TWO
    RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA OF JIHAD IN IRAQ; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA OF JIHAD
    ORGANIZATION IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA OF THE
    JIHAD IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-TAWHID; a.k.a. AL-
    ZARQAWI NETWORK; a.k.a. JAM’AT AL TAWHID WA’AL-JIHAD; a.k.a.
    TANZEEM QA’IDAT AL JIHAD/BILAD AL RAAFIDAINI; a.k.a. TANZIM QA’IDAT
    AL-JIHAD FI BILAD AL-RAFIDAYN; a.k.a. THE MONOTHEISM AND JIHAD
    GROUP; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION BASE OF JIHAD/COUNTRY OF THE TWO
    RIVERS; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION BASE OF JIHAD/MESOPOTAMIA; a.k.a.
    THE ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE IN IRAQ; a.k.a. THE
    ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS;
    a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE OF OPERATIONS IN IRAQ;
    a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE OF OPERATIONS IN THE
    LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF JIHAD’S BASE IN
    THE COUNTRY OF THE TWO RIVERS) [FTO] [SDGT]

    AL-QAIDA IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS (a.k.a. AL-QAIDA GROUP OF
    JIHAD IN IRAQ; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA GROUP OF JIHAD IN THE LAND OF THE
    TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA IN IRAQ; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA IN
    MESOPOTAMIA; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA OF JIHAD IN IRAQ; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA OF
    JIHAD ORGANIZATION IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA
    OF THE JIHAD IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-TAWHID;
    a.k.a. AL-ZARQAWI NETWORK; a.k.a. JAM’AT AL TAWHID WA’AL-JIHAD;
    a.k.a. TANZEEM QA’IDAT AL JIHAD/BILAD AL RAAFIDAINI; a.k.a. TANZIM
    QA’IDAT AL-JIHAD FI BILAD AL-RAFIDAYN; a.k.a. THE MONOTHEISM AND
    JIHAD GROUP; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION BASE OF JIHAD/COUNTRY OF THE
    TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION BASE OF JIHAD/MESOPOTAMIA;
    a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE IN IRAQ; a.k.a. THE
    ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS;
    a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE OF OPERATIONS IN IRAQ;
    a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE OF OPERATIONS IN THE
    LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF JIHAD’S BASE IN
    THE COUNTRY OF THE TWO RIVERS) [FTO] [SDGT]

    AL-QAIDA OF JIHAD IN IRAQ (a.k.a. AL-QAIDA GROUP OF JIHAD IN IRAQ;
    a.k.a. AL-QAIDA GROUP OF JIHAD IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS;
    a.k.a. AL-QAIDA IN IRAQ; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA IN MESOPOTAMIA; a.k.a. AL-
    QAIDA IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA OF JIHAD
    ORGANIZATION IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA OF THE
    JIHAD IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-TAWHID; a.k.a. AL-
    ZARQAWI NETWORK; a.k.a. JAM’AT AL TAWHID WA’AL-JIHAD; a.k.a.
    TANZEEM QA’IDAT AL JIHAD/BILAD AL RAAFIDAINI; a.k.a. TANZIM QA’IDAT
    AL-JIHAD FI BILAD AL-RAFIDAYN; a.k.a. THE MONOTHEISM AND JIHAD
    GROUP; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION BASE OF JIHAD/COUNTRY OF THE TWO
    RIVERS; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION BASE OF JIHAD/MESOPOTAMIA; a.k.a.
    THE ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE IN IRAQ; a.k.a. THE
    ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS;
    a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE OF OPERATIONS IN IRAQ;
    a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE OF OPERATIONS IN THE
    LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF JIHAD’S BASE IN
    THE COUNTRY OF THE TWO RIVERS) [FTO] [SDGT]

    AL-QAIDA OF JIHAD ORGANIZATION IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS
    (a.k.a. AL-QAIDA GROUP OF JIHAD IN IRAQ; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA GROUP OF
    JIHAD IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA IN IRAQ;
    a.k.a. AL-QAIDA IN MESOPOTAMIA; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA IN THE LAND OF THE
    TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA OF JIHAD IN IRAQ; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA OF
    THE JIHAD IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-TAWHID; a.k.a.
    AL-ZARQAWI NETWORK; a.k.a. JAM’AT AL TAWHID WA’AL-JIHAD; a.k.a.
    TANZEEM QA’IDAT AL JIHAD/BILAD AL RAAFIDAINI; a.k.a. TANZIM QA’IDAT
    AL-JIHAD FI BILAD AL-RAFIDAYN; a.k.a. THE MONOTHEISM AND JIHAD
    GROUP; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION BASE OF JIHAD/COUNTRY OF THE TWO
    RIVERS; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION BASE OF JIHAD/MESOPOTAMIA; a.k.a.
    THE ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE IN IRAQ; a.k.a. THE
    ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS;
    a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE OF OPERATIONS IN IRAQ;
    a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE OF OPERATIONS IN THE
    LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF JIHAD’S BASE IN
    THE COUNTRY OF THE TWO RIVERS) [FTO] [SDGT]

    AL-QAIDA OF THE JIHAD IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS (a.k.a. AL-
    QAIDA GROUP OF JIHAD IN IRAQ; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA GROUP OF JIHAD IN THE
    LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA IN IRAQ; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA IN
    MESOPOTAMIA; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a.
    AL-QAIDA OF JIHAD IN IRAQ; a.k.a. AL-QAIDA OF JIHAD ORGANIZATION IN
    THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. AL-TAWHID; a.k.a. AL-ZARQAWI
    NETWORK; a.k.a. JAM’AT AL TAWHID WA’AL-JIHAD; a.k.a. TANZEEM
    QA’IDAT AL JIHAD/BILAD AL RAAFIDAINI; a.k.a. TANZIM QA’IDAT AL-
    JIHAD FI BILAD AL-RAFIDAYN; a.k.a. THE MONOTHEISM AND JIHAD GROUP;
    a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION BASE OF JIHAD/COUNTRY OF THE TWO RIVERS;
    a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION BASE OF JIHAD/MESOPOTAMIA; a.k.a. THE
    ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE IN IRAQ; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF
    AL-JIHAD’S BASE IN THE LAND OF THE TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. THE
    ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE OF OPERATIONS IN IRAQ; a.k.a. THE
    ORGANIZATION OF AL-JIHAD’S BASE OF OPERATIONS IN THE LAND OF THE
    TWO RIVERS; a.k.a. THE ORGANIZATION OF JIHAD’S BASE IN THE COUNTRY

  11. Anubis Says:
    May 23rd, 2007 at 11:20 am

    ^
    Yeeeeaaah…

  12. Wearyman Says:
    May 23rd, 2007 at 12:04 pm

    Umm, I think I can clear up that big mish-mash of text above.

    It has been discovered that Dreamhost (a hosting company physically located within the territorial borders of the United States of America) is currently hosting a website that is owned and operated by a group known to the Department of Defense and the United States government as a Terrorist group. This particular website being the “Voice of Jihad” website, is known to be affiliated with Al Qaeda.

    To be clear, it is in violation of Federal law to offer aid and comfort to known terrorist organizations or those persons or organizations affiliated with terrorists. It has been established that willingly hosting a website run by known terrorist organizations DOES constitute “aid and comfort” and is prosecutable. (Not my opinion, the opinion of lawyers and judges much smarter than I.)

    Both the Dreamhost abuse department and Josh (via his corporate e-mail) have been informed of the terrorist website hosted by Dreamhost, and have been given ample time to remove said offending website. It has not been removed.

    What you are seeing above is a list of groups affiliated with Al Quaeda and the “Voice of Jihad” website. All of the above are known terrorist organizations and assisting them in any way can get you into serious trouble with the U.S. govt, particularly if you are a U.S. Citizen, as Josh is.

    Now, I don’t particularly approve of spamming the comments in a blog with long lists of names and AKA’s. I prefer the more reasoned approach I have taken here. Nevertheless I can understand the frustration that might lead to that kind of approach.

    Josh, I implore you, for your own sake and for the sake of Dreamhost and it’s employees, please take down the “Voice of Jihad” website. Once the Feds get involved it will get ugly and I can guarantee that you will be on the losing side of a legal battle. You seem like a nice guy and I’d hate for you to go to prison over something like this.

    I’m also thinking that “Hosting a jihad website and getting in trouble with the Feds” is probably NOT one of the top ways to become a famous Blogger. Just sayin’.

  13. hmmm Says:
    May 24th, 2007 at 7:38 pm

    I don’t get it…

  14. sakthi Says:
    May 25th, 2007 at 3:29 am

    I find this article funny though,its useful for me.Since i planned to start my own blog,Once i started I’ll try the steps you insist here..
    AA Breakdown Cover

  15. Guy Says:
    May 25th, 2007 at 8:32 am

    if anyone read past all the spam above, they might be interested in my article about how to get traffic to their blog (in the same tongue-in-cheek vein (if a vein can be a tongue in a cheek)) as Josh’s post…

  16. Vlad Says:
    December 22nd, 2008 at 7:11 pm

    so

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