The Dream Machine
March 26, 2007 on 4:51 pm | In Funnyish, Insider View by Josh Jones | 19 Comments
We don’t just break servers you know!
Once a week a dozen or so of us take a break from the physically and mentally demanding task of causing the most downtime and nfs slowness possible to cause the most dunktime and nba showness possible…
We joined the LA City Department of Parks and Recreation men’s basketball league!
More specifically, we joined the “C League”… defined as:
Recreational: No ex-college or High School Varsity players under the age of 30 years old. Players who love to play, but have limited experience; Limited/no ability to play above the rim; no more than one player with the ability to consistently score more than 20 points per game. Play is sometimes “playground” style and recreational. “Score Out rule in effect (20 points).”
If ever there were a team to fit that description, you’re reading the blog about them!
I played in college (Div III, JV!) but I just turned 30 three weeks ago! I have limited/no ability to play above the rim, and I’m the one and only player with the ability to consistently score more than 20 points a game! Me, me, me!
Score Out Rule?
Little did I know that the “C League” does not even allow any one player to score more than 20 points in a game! Once you do, you’re out! That rule made me nervous… all the way up until about one minute into the game, when I realized I had nothing to worry about.
We started the season undefeated!
Of course, then we had our first game last Tuesday.. our perfect win percentage (undef) was at stake!
It was a wild roller-coaster of a game!
We jumped to an early 2-1 lead! Which we held for the first six minutes!
With five minutes left in the first half, we were still crushing our opponents (”Delancy St.”), 6-5!
Which is when we really exploded .. ending up leading 20-7 at halftime!
Let the celebrations begin!
As long as we didn’t let them score twice as much in the second half as we did in the first, we had the game!
Flash forward.. with only seconds left in the game, we were down 22-20! They had the ball!
Fortunately, just then I intercepted an ill-advised pass and streaked down the court. As I went up I was hit hard…
Count the basket!
And the foul!
No time left!
And now, one free throw to win the game! Fortunately.. we caught it on video for you below… please move to the edge of your seat, double click below, and watch…
????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Epilogue
On our team we consider it a triple-double if you get just *2* in three different stats.
Nobody recorded one this game.
Afterwards, Dallas and I celebrated the upcoming holidays some at Target!
After that, we played “Drink Uno” until 4am. I didn’t have a proper wine opener.
Epi-Epilogue
This wasn’t exactly how the game went down.. but it’s more entertaining this way.
19 Responses to “The Dream Machine”
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March 26th, 2007 at 7:06 pm
The net wasn’t “swooshing” in the video, and it sounds like the rim was vibrating too much. You missed the shot.
March 26th, 2007 at 7:22 pm
Nice clutch, Josh. About as clutch as on a 1977 Honda stick-shift. Looks like you need to work out at http://www.homestarrunner.com/toons.html. Everybody knows it, and tell some bad jokes.
March 27th, 2007 at 8:05 am
HAHAH i went to CCSU (Central Ct State)
LAMO
March 27th, 2007 at 8:19 am
delancey st could be so many things
http://www.blingo.com/search?q=Delancey%20Street&s=0
March 27th, 2007 at 10:22 am
The video has really got the most exciting special effect I’ve seen so far in my whole life!
Why don’t you guys play poker instead?
March 27th, 2007 at 11:24 am
Looks like they lost the game 31 to 20:
http://www.laparks.org/dos/sports/basketball/league/S103.pdf
March 27th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
After extensive study of the video, I have come to the conclusion that I’ll probably go and see that Transformers movie, even though everything Michael Bay touches turns to poop.
March 27th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
And I was just hoping for a post giving an update on why my website and panel are running so slow. Looks like the problem is still open at status.dreahost.com
March 27th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
so instead of fixing the slow as shit server problems, your out playing games?? if it wasnt for the fact that i payed by paypal, i would have got my refund and left.
March 27th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
Don’t worry, none of the people on the basketball team know anything about fixing server problems.
March 27th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Fantastic.
I guess it’s fun to play while your business crashes all around you. When I have server issues at work, NOONE goes home until it is fixed. I’m just glad that with all of the spare time I have because I can’t access and update my site, I had enough time to cancel my account and move elsewhere. Thanks for a horrible 27 day experience.
March 27th, 2007 at 4:28 pm
Boo hoo… someone change Kurts diaper and see if he stops crying.
You’re too stupid to work around computers. Admit that you flip burgers.
March 27th, 2007 at 4:36 pm
You work with Peter Noone? And you don’t let him go home until he fixes your servers? That sounds like modern-day slavery?
March 27th, 2007 at 7:01 pm
How about putting down the balls kids and fixing the nearly dead servers choking your reputations
March 28th, 2007 at 9:48 am
We do need to update the status page which I’ll do shortly once I know more but to be fair the last I heard we were waiting for a filer move to finish to lessen the load. This takes quite some time due to the fact that:
1. It’s a lot of data and we don’t want to lose any of it and
2. the filer is pegged at 100% CPU utilization (which is causing the problem in the first place)
Our only option to speed it up would be to remove the other causes of load on that machine (meaning customer servers – we’d really rather not turn off the hosting machines connected to that filer as that would really have a negative impact on a lot of people). And Pete was right by the way, none of the system administrators were at the game last night (even so having them site and watch the filer move progress would be a waste of their valuable time as there’s nothing they can actively accomplish to speed things up in this situation).
March 28th, 2007 at 7:08 pm
I know nobody cares after that hour-long half-our-customers network outage, but I just wanted to say…
@Garrett: yeah yeah yeah.. but I made the next one! And that free throw wasn’t really at the end of the game, it just made a good story, and the video was too awesome!
@Weiner Man: YOU’LL PAY FOR YOUR SASS!
@Red: I’m glad somebody reads the ALT/TITLE text!
@James K: IS that soooooo? Well.. maybe you should just RELOAD that pdf tomorrow and see what REALLY happened after the league fixes the score!
Speaking of which.. the game we played last night was Ku-Razy! We were down 20-11 at half time. We were down 26-12 with like 10 minutes left in the game. We won, 29-26. That’s right, a 17-0 run to close out the game, baby! (I had 18 points.)
April 2nd, 2007 at 8:39 am
You’re full of shit Josh as usual! That’s why I love you! (In a non-homo-erotic way) :D
You can’t sit at a computer all your life, go shoots some hoops, but for god sake, practice first! :D
April 4th, 2007 at 6:27 pm
lol drink uno, always a classic.
June 28th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
[...] Not to mention all the credit card numbers we get fund our wild vegas benders (roulette is a great way to launder money) and illicit basketball leagues! [...]