Web Hosting Haiku

January 12, 2007 on 3:14 pm | In Funnyish, Insider View, Musings, Updates by Brett | 41 Comments

Haiku.

The ol’ five-seven-five.
I bet people in Georgia make haikus all the time.

It stimulates the mind and soothes the soul.

Here’s some stuff we’ve come up with around the office today.

Cherry blossoms come from Japan too

Where did my site go?
Pictures of Grandma, bye bye
Should have paid the bill
-Nick L

Dreaded five-oh-three
Posted on Digg, now it’s gone
Time to upgrade, friend
-Nick L

Your app is so slow
Every other page times out
Welcome, shared hosting
-Nick L

Can not log in now
Several times, my site down
What the f#ck, DreamHost?
-Jeff H

I host my site here
but, where oh where has it gone?
I’m losing thousands
-Steve D

Reading haiku is like floating on a cloud.

Your site is offline
how the hell did that happen?
Oh yeah, server died
-Steve D

500 error!
What has happened to my site?
is anyone there?
-Steve D

My site makes thousands
I pay you very little
You guys are suckers
-Steve D

Working hard to fix
this person’s critical site
Twelve gigs — goatse art
-Charlie T

Thanks for the soft porn
sent to the ‘all’ mailing list
Nick you are so fired.
-Brett D

My wife is scared of butterflies

Hey have you seen Ralph?
No, he’s been gone a long time.
He must be pooping.
-Brett D

Hey guys let’s go eat!
Guys? Hello? Anyone there?
They left without me. :(
-Brett D

What do you mean by
“Bittorrent is not allowed?”
I only trade warez
-Jason C

Why am I getting
a panel fatal error?
perl -c ran fine!
-Pete V

Comment Post Spammers
Scum bags of the interwebs
Please die in a fire!
-Justin K

THE ROCK IS ALIVE

Charlie sends me links
Don’t open them while eating
Double-U Tee Eff
-Justin K

Be sure to index
Your large database queries
Team DB find you!
-Justin K

HELP! My blog is down!
Now how will my readers know
when my cats make poop.
-Charlie T

I cannot log in
sixty times I try password
thought it might work durrr
-Nick L

We were such good friends
trading emails back and forth
Earthlink forsakes us
-Nick L

This is totally not my cat. My cats are way cuter.

Why is server slow?
Great. Now my twenty proxy
sites don’t work nicely
-Terri I

What is this “TOS,” Jeff?
MySpace phishing isn’t wrong!
Reenable me!
-Jeff C

Error: IMAP dropped
OMG people are dead
Everything’s fine now
-Craig Y

Gentle breeze, flames, smoke
my WordPress has exploded
I hate comments spam
-Craig Y

.htaccess file
they play evil trick on me
dots, invisible
-Craig Y

I referred myself
Please move over my domains
I’ll pay less money
-Dastyni L

Good vibes. Serenity.

I paid through Google
You still have credit card charge
give me my refund
-Dastyni L

I know my eBay
I know you are try to scam
Now you no scam me
-Dastyni L

Sorry English bad
I try use the translator
Fix my hotel now
-Dastyni L

Queue is not empty
Did you hit your quota yet?
Ralph will be so pissed.
-Micah S

Brett say, “Make haiku”
horrible pain, torture, death
“Make haiku”, Brett say
-Craig Y

Heigh-ho Silver.

Think you can do better? So do we! Prove it in the comments!

41 Responses to “Web Hosting Haiku”

  1. Tom Says:
    January 12th, 2007 at 4:14 pm

    Once again you guys crack me up. I could never beat those.

    Keep up the great work.

  2. Roninspoon Says:
    January 12th, 2007 at 4:21 pm

    You all suck old balls
    Haiku is more than counting
    Leafs fall in Autumn

  3. Sean Says:
    January 12th, 2007 at 4:55 pm

    Damn queue stuck again?
    File one more support request
    Mail will come some day

  4. jer@nyquil.org Says:
    January 12th, 2007 at 4:56 pm

    Unmoving stillness
    A lake frozen in winter?
    No, my dreamhost site

    Like roninspoon said, haiku requires more than counting…

  5. Jeff C. Says:
    January 12th, 2007 at 5:29 pm

    > Like roninspoon said, haiku requires more than counting…

    Yes, but it’s rather difficult to integrate both seasonal references and geeky DreamHost employee references into a single haiku.

    DreamHost breaks the rules
    Our haiku is flawed and lame
    But we do try hard!

    - Jeff @ DreamHost

  6. nine Says:
    January 12th, 2007 at 5:56 pm

    My site so very slow
    Brainy me, I have a fix
    Twelve emails to support

  7. Kevin Says:
    January 12th, 2007 at 6:38 pm

    DreamHost, you guys rock
    Reading this post made my night
    Off to make a drink

  8. Ben Says:
    January 12th, 2007 at 7:07 pm

    Poetry is least
    Of all creative writing
    But haiku is cool

  9. Alex Says:
    January 12th, 2007 at 10:06 pm

    dreamhost are always
    writing haikus, but my mail
    unanswered two months

  10. Dan Says:
    January 12th, 2007 at 10:17 pm

    Dreamhost customers:
    accept funny newsletter,
    in lieu of service

    ;-)

  11. Jeff @ DreamHost Says:
    January 12th, 2007 at 10:43 pm

    DreamHost employees
    Offer funny newsletter
    In lieu of… hey, wait!

    - Jeff @ DreamHost

  12. snowbutterfly Says:
    January 12th, 2007 at 10:56 pm

    never a problem
    dreamhost has been my savior
    keep up the good work

  13. Dan Says:
    January 12th, 2007 at 11:18 pm

    says his site is down
    wait until it’s up again
    “looks OK to us”

  14. Alice Says:
    January 12th, 2007 at 11:46 pm

    why do i peruse
    Nick G’s employee profile
    when i am married

  15. Kevin Hatfield Says:
    January 13th, 2007 at 7:24 am

    As always…hilarious. All in a days work.

  16. Bruce Rhodewalt Says:
    January 13th, 2007 at 8:51 am

    Salty, pink and round.
    Waning under my assault:
    O urinal cake.

  17. Toord Says:
    January 13th, 2007 at 9:02 am

    Prey tell mon ami,
    Wherefrom doth thine file store
    Sucketh so damn much!

  18. Sam M Says:
    January 13th, 2007 at 11:06 am

    Renting two hundred
    But am using less than one
    Overselling Rocks

  19. Simon Jessey Says:
    January 13th, 2007 at 1:36 pm

    Make lots with referrals
    Refer more, with promo codes
    But money flow less

  20. Karl Says:
    January 13th, 2007 at 2:03 pm

    I was off Friday :(
    Saturday morning surprise
    Shot glasses at work!

  21. Ross Says:
    January 13th, 2007 at 2:25 pm

    Give free site to friend
    Moans a lot when small thing breaks
    Give cash and I’ll fix.

  22. Nathan Friedly Says:
    January 13th, 2007 at 3:20 pm

    What is with this blog?
    The pictures are lacking a title tag.
    No hover text for me.

  23. Jon H Says:
    January 13th, 2007 at 4:24 pm

    I have no idea what you are talking about.

  24. tut tut Says:
    January 13th, 2007 at 9:07 pm

    Cannot get it up
    Your site I assume you mean?
    Business as usual

    : )

  25. Refer Me? Or Not? Says:
    January 14th, 2007 at 4:07 pm

    web traffic hijacked
    promo codes useless now
    affiliates out

    stop writing haikus
    start paying attention now
    where is the service?

    wait, I have more….

    more time spent on blog
    then on customer service
    thanks for slow replies

    new promo code out
    steals our referrals
    no other does this

    long time customer
    first time complainer this week
    sad about dreamhost

  26. Swoggy Says:
    January 14th, 2007 at 5:45 pm

    No amount of disk
    Space will pacify very
    Irate customers

  27. mychø Says:
    January 14th, 2007 at 10:32 pm

    i came here to see
    why web servers don’t respond
    while you dick around

  28. Matt Says:
    January 15th, 2007 at 4:33 am

    I read through them all
    The laughing woke my girlfriend
    I blamed Dastyni L

    (specifically, “fix my hotel” :) )

  29. Hoster Says:
    January 15th, 2007 at 4:39 am

    nice nice 8)

  30. Dan Says:
    January 15th, 2007 at 2:11 pm

    Back at you, Josh -

    New Dream Network LLC:
    accept this funny haiku,
    in lieu of payment

    ;-)

  31. Eian Says:
    January 15th, 2007 at 11:49 pm

    I really hate this
    My website is down again
    Oh well, read the blog

    :D Actually, mine hasn’t been down in a long time.

  32. David Harrison Says:
    January 16th, 2007 at 2:16 pm

    Something geeky here,
    Token nature reference,
    And now the punchline.

    Funny rhyming verse,
    Mentioned on Penny Arcade,
    Nerdcore is for life.

    Since when has it been,
    Appropriate for the staff,
    To mock the service?

  33. XD Says:
    January 16th, 2007 at 5:43 pm

    Dude haikus suck bad,
    DreamHost needs some creative thought
    Faggot is last line

    XD

  34. Everyone Says:
    January 18th, 2007 at 2:43 pm

    Stop trying to be funny. Your blog is the worst attempt at trying to be funny I have ever seen.

  35. Jeff C. Says:
    January 18th, 2007 at 7:05 pm

    > Stop trying to be funny. Your blog is the worst attempt
    > at trying to be funny I have ever seen.

    You’re more than welcome to set up your own.

    In fact, we even offer a one-click install for some software (WordPress) to help you get started.

    I’m sure you could be much funnier than we could ever aspire to. Give it a try!

    - Jeff @ DreamHost

  36. subversified Says:
    January 18th, 2007 at 11:15 pm

    webmail and panel
    message board too, all are gone
    can’t report big crash

    did dreamhost upset
    some script kiddy of 1337ness?
    feel his DOS attack

    rising sun brings hope
    will it also bring renewal
    of email service?

  37. Chris Says:
    January 19th, 2007 at 10:24 am

    Webmail works not
    Cannot send customer file
    Very upsetting

  38. Curious Comparison Says:
    January 19th, 2007 at 4:03 pm

    A hosting haiku?
    I already saw one of these.
    A Coincidence?

  39. Josh Says:
    January 22nd, 2007 at 7:58 pm

    Lol nice haikus!

  40. marko Says:
    January 26th, 2007 at 1:04 pm

    i dont understand this,

    i should go and learn some english

  41. jamiemart.in » Blog Archive » what hosting companies have a sense of humor? an experiment. Says:
    March 25th, 2007 at 3:21 pm

    [...] http://blog.dreamhost.com/2007/01/12/web-hosting-haiku/ [...]

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