I Want Some of That Action

December 5, 2006 on 11:51 am | In Business, Insider View, New Features, Tech News by Josh Jones |

No, it's not the size of our support queue.

I’m sure everybody heard a while ago about that hot Goo-Tube action that got everybody all excited.

Google bought YouTube back on October 19th (I think it was) for 1.65BBBBBBBBBBBBillion in stock. Immediately after the announcement, Google’s stock went from $420.23 to $458.99… implying the total value of Google went from about $128BBBBBBBBBBBBillion to $140BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBillion!

So, essentially Google said to YouTube, “Yo, Tubey, let’s hit it,” and the world decided they were BOTH worth more money for it. Heck, even the RUMORS Google was going to get with YouTube put their stock up more than $1.65BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBillion worth of market cap. Sigh.

Since then, Google’s gone to $487.25, putting their market cap at $149BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBillion and the value of the YouTube portion of Google at $1.9BBBBBBBBBilllion. And for what? YouTube is basically a pared-down free web host that can only show video. P-SHAW!

Ah, charts with no labels!

WE are a FULL-Featured PAY web host, that can show video, images, audio, flash, send email, instant messages, store databases, run applications, store files forever, and even update a blog about as often as we send a newsletter!

Of course, YouTube has about a thousand times the “customers” we have.

Of course, I’d say each one of you PAYING guys has gotta be worth at least 100 times some anonymous YouTuber, right? So, we’ve gotta be worth at least $190 Million in Google stock, right? Maybe not.. I was never a very good business man.

In fact, I bet just by posting this, I could start some rumors a la “Google in talks to buy DreamHost for $190,000,000.” Then, if based on those rumors Google stock went up just sixty-six cents, my rumors alone would have more than paid for itself. In a way, Google would be obligated to buy us! And when they did, I bet their stock would go up at least another 33 cents, meaning they just made a 50% profit! They’d be a bunch of Yahoo!s not to snatch us up!

Now remember, I’m not saying Google’s in talks to buy us. Far from it. I don’t even know anybody at Google. I don’t even know anybody who knows anybody at Google. I don’t even know anybody who uses Google. I don’t even know what this “Google” is.

And we’re perfectly content with what we are now, nice and independent and small(ish).

But, if sometime later today Google’s stock were to, say, hit $487.91 a share, I’ll be expecting a call.

Oh, we'll talk alright.

P.S. Just in case that call comes, we’re all set with some awesome new Google-esque features!

#1: I just filmed this UNBELIEVABLE video of a crazy raccoon out in front of my place last night! I want to share it with you all, but I don’t trust no YouTube with my ultra high-quality HD videos! That’s why I’m using the all new https://media.dreamhost.com/ flash media tools we just released!


Wasn’t that great? Way better than 98% of the stuff on YouTube!

#2: When the inevitable merger takes place, how are we going to make all our customers suffer? Oops, I mean pay? Google Checkout of course! Good thing we already accept Google Checkout now as yet another way to give us your money!

Check THESE out!

Test it out today.. go buy some more hosting!

#3: We started trying out Google Adsense on DreamBook (you know, our free Guestbook server, circa 1996), and it is reallllllly raking in the bucks! When the day comes that we are Dreamgle, Google will be able to keep the ENTIRE hundred bucks a day in ad revenues for themselves, instead of splitting it with us!

Does this look too 1996 to you?

#4 Finally, don’t forget everybody using Google Talk can already talk with everybody using Jabber on DreamHost. Such forward-looking management we have!


119 Comments

Pages: [1] 2 3 » Show All

  1. 1

    You put quotation marks at the end of the URLs in the “Google Checkout” and “DreamBook” links, so they don’t work. :P

    Comment by Matt Nordhoff — December 5, 2006 #

  2. 2

    Interestingly enough, on my RSS reader, instead of the video it said “Invalid URL”, which actually made the following line even more hilarious to me than the actual video.

    Comment by DC — December 5, 2006 #

  3. 3

    Josh, I have to say, you make possibly some of the funniest blog posts ever.

    Grats on the new tools too.

    Comment by Roi Perez — December 5, 2006 #

  4. 4

    They’re so going to buy you guys. Woohoo!

    Google to Buy Dreamhost in Shocking YouTube Copycat Purchase Can you digg it?

    Comment by greggles — December 5, 2006 #

  5. 5

    Old news ;-)

    The new media.dreamhost.com was announced two days ago at the Unofficial DreamHost Blog…

    Comment by Unofficial DreamHost Blog — December 5, 2006 #

  6. 6

    thank you josh, it’s a pleasure to read your posts, as usual.

    Comment by helge — December 5, 2006 #

  7. 7

    Is there something wrong with my computer that when I play the flash video, I hear what sounds like someone screaming repeatedly?

    Comment by pbc — December 5, 2006 #

  8. 8

    Is the sound on the flash video supposed to sound like heavy breathing and nothing else?

    Comment by Sam M — December 5, 2006 #

  9. 9

    If you saw a raccoon that hawt you’d be breathing heavy too.

    Comment by Josh Jones — December 5, 2006 #

  10. 10

    If I owned that stock I wold sell it right now. You know it will go down again, and up again, the question is what will it be in 10 years? I would sell :) The internet is a strange, everchanging beast.

    Comment by pixie — December 5, 2006 #

  11. 11

    You guys should buy Google. I have a feeling they’re going to be the next big thing!

    Comment by Jarrad — December 5, 2006 #

  12. 12

    If the letters from my bank were as insane as the letters from my web host (DH) there would be less hate. Mmm… less hate.
    So tell me, how long are you sleeping on the couch for after calling your wife a raccoon?

    Comment by Andrew K. — December 5, 2006 #

  13. 13

    ummm… I am not kidding. On my computer the audio of that flash video sounds like this. On my other mac it sounds fine. Hmm… strange.

    Oh well, just thought I would point it out :\

    Comment by pbc — December 5, 2006 #

  14. 14

    The Flash video isn’t showing up on my FreeBSD/KDE system. Flash is always so hit-or-miss on this thing… I wonder why.

    Comment by Garrett Albright — December 5, 2006 #

  15. 15

    You think that video is amazing? You should see my raccoon pictures and read my raccoon stories. We used to have ‘em in our bedroom, almost every night!

    Oh, and - dugg! I love DH!

    Comment by Meredith — December 5, 2006 #

  16. 16

    Josh, your blogs are funny as shat!

    My name is Josh Jones, too. I recall about 3 or 4 years ago I emailed you drunk thinking that was the best coincidence in the world and a lady/girl responded back. I asked her for joshjones.org for free and you all hooked me up! I was a broke college kid at the time and haven’t forgotten. I’ve been seeing dreamhost all over the last little bit, so congratulations on building a successful company!

    -Josh Jones
    Nashville, TN

    Comment by Josh Jones (also) — December 5, 2006 #

  17. 17

    If Google bought Dreamhost, I would quit within 10 minutes. I don’t want Google doing any of their big-brother kung fu shit on my data.

    Comment by Anonymous Coward — December 5, 2006 #

  18. 18

    haha, Dugg - Let’s watch the rumor fly!

    Comment by Michael Skelton — December 5, 2006 #

  19. 19

    I am afraid I agree with the Anon Coward above - I would find another hosting co in a sec. I don’t want Google looking through my data…

    Comment by Frank — December 5, 2006 #

  20. 20

    Matt Nordhoff is a poopie head! ;) (Hey Peng!)

    This is entirely relevant to this blog post.

    Comment by Grey Hodge — December 5, 2006 #

  21. 21

    What? I heard that Dreamhost was buying Google!

    Comment by Richard — December 5, 2006 #

  22. 22

    You sooo don’t want those raccoons anywhere near your house dude. They’re cute but they’ll go ya big-time. Worse than kangaroos…

    Comment by Bongo — December 5, 2006 #

  23. 23

    Hehe, shush Grey. :P

    Comment by Matt Nordhoff — December 5, 2006 #

  24. 24

    Winner of Best Blog Post 2006, Best Web Video 2006, and Biggest Stock Rumour 2006…. congratulations Dreamhost!

    Comment by ian — December 5, 2006 #

  25. 25

    Can you believe this? I read this, then I saw it on Digg as if it were serious!

    Some folks will Digg anything. ;) Good job, guys!

    Comment by phoenix — December 5, 2006 #

  26. 26

    If DH sells to google,
    how ’bout a kick down?
    say, a cool grand for every hostee?

    i will begin the gossip mill immediately.

    Comment by daniyel — December 5, 2006 #

  27. 27

    heh. dugg

    Comment by dp — December 5, 2006 #

  28. 28

    Yeah, the DH newsletter is the only one that I get that I always enjoy reading. The rest I read to keep up to date with news and technology.

    I too am with the anon. coward and Frank - if Google bought DH, I would amscray.

    And hey Josh, I have a humanitarian non-profit site, but it’s not a 501 site - can I get half-off?

    Comment by rcg — December 5, 2006 #

  29. 29

    hehe, well you should have started it as just “Google Buys Dreamhost” ..that way new readers would just assume the title to be true ..but ppl keep reading with the current title and realize its all a farce.

    Comment by TV in a Browser — December 5, 2006 #

  30. 30

    My dad works at Google. I told him to send an email to Larry Page regarding the acquisition. ;)

    Seriously though, he works at Google. :D

    Comment by Cadet Anonymous — December 5, 2006 #

  31. 31

    If anything, this was the best blog entry I’ve read hands down in a very long time. Quite amusing and very worth watching for that ‘just in case’ factor. Seriously one of those things that make you go hum…

    Comment by Manda Rose — December 5, 2006 #

  32. 32

    Google does not need to buy dreamhost. It has enough problems of it’s own. :D

    The updates are cool.

    Comment by Corinne — December 5, 2006 #

  33. 33

    There are at least a few DreamHost customers who work at Google… ;)

    Comment by Dianne Hackborn — December 5, 2006 #

  34. 34

    Any chance you guys could recompile ffmpeg with mp3 enabled so the audio actually works?

    Comment by Kudos — December 5, 2006 #

  35. 35

    Any way that y’all can get that goodies page to convert wmvs also? !

    Comment by CorpX — December 5, 2006 #

  36. 36

    Yeah, seriously..
    I wish my work emails were this entertaining.

    Comment by Stunning — December 5, 2006 #

  37. 37

    Hey, long time hoster, first time poster.
    I too am having audio issues with the Flash player. I just get that same in/out static-y stuff referenced before.
    I have a lot of video & audio on my site in various places and would love an all-in-one solution. Please keep working on it!

    Comment by David — December 5, 2006 #

  38. 38

    Haha, love the Google rumor. Dreamoogle anyone?

    Comment by David — December 5, 2006 #

  39. 39

    Josh, you made my day! :)
    Just love them DH Newsletters, and the racoon owns it all.
    Speachless about the new features every month you serve. You are far by the best hosting EVER!

    Comment by Chris Trynkiewicz — December 6, 2006 #

  40. 40

    Nice updates, thanks!

    Comment by Vitol — December 6, 2006 #

  41. 41

    That video is pretty dark. I couldn’t see anything. But I love DreamHost, so I’m not complaining!

    The funny thing I’ve noticed about YouTube and sites like it is, the videos don’t look all that great (in quality) on the site, but if I download them and view them through my Flash video player, they often look really good!

    Comment by Jennifer — December 6, 2006 #

  42. 42

    Many thanks Josh, been with you guys since 1997 (possibly one of the first few customers?) and still loving the stuff you do and provide.

    Only a few requests…

    - Servers in the UK?
    - Support for ASP?

    Isn’t there some sort of parser for ASP that runs on Unix?

    Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?

    Cheers, Ash!

    Comment by Ash Hall — December 6, 2006 #

  43. 43

    Dreamhost ci prova…

    A farsi comprare da ggooooogle. Pazzi quelli di Dreamhost, però mica tanto.

    Anche perchè, a parte forse Blogger, Google non ha mai comprato un servizio di hosting….

    Trackback by Alberto Mucignat — December 6, 2006 #

  44. 44

    All these posts that describe the sound being up the swany but no response. Seems a little hammy to me. (’Scuse the English english).

    The sound doesn’t work on my Mac. Is this a case of ‘designed for PC only’ type problems.

    Please include us guys in your thinking.

    Still loving you.

    Comment by Sully — December 6, 2006 #

  45. 45

    Dugg! I love Dreamhost!

    Comment by Serra — December 6, 2006 #

  46. 46

    Cool, that flv converter is exactly what I needed.

    Comment by Hentaikid — December 6, 2006 #

  47. 47

    It’s not fair what you’re doing, spreading false rumours around just for your profit.

    It looks like you’re dying to get bought by Google. One could infer you either have some internal problems and you’ll shut your business down soon (unless a big guy buys you), or you simply want a share of Google’s profits.

    This stinks.

    Comment by A DH customer — December 6, 2006 #

  48. 48

    I have lots of media on my site, will be looking on that media.dreamhost thingie right now..

    Comment by Eroto — December 6, 2006 #

  49. 49

    Re: comment 46

    Or mysterious option number three: Its a joke!

    Perhaps your guess that DreamHost is about to shut down will turn into a huge rumor and they will end up suing you for millions just to pay all the creditors after they go bankrupt.

    In your (stinky) bizarro world you are probably very scared right now.

    Comment by That one gut — December 6, 2006 #

  50. 50

    [...] http://blog.dreamhost.com/2006/12/05/i-want-some-of-that-action/ [...]

    Pingback by Wu Di @ Myth » DreamHost acquired by Google??? — December 6, 2006 #

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