YOU C@#KS#CK’N SPAMMERS!
August 16, 2006 on 5:52 pm | In Funnyish, Insider View, Rants by Brett |As you’ve been reading on our blog over the past few weeks we’ve been dealing with a few ongoing problems. As Josh has told you we’ve sorted through most of the major issues and things have started to settle down lately! We’ll be sure to post more information when we have more to report right here, and for up-to-the-minute action don’t forget to check out dreamhoststatus.com.
I check our general voicemail box every day. We don’t offer traditional ‘dial-in’ phone support, so most messages that get left on our voicemail are either from our vendors or from smarmy sales people looking to partner up with the 25th largest web host in the world! (That’s us, thank you very much!)
Sometimes we’ll even get automated telemarketing messages from our competitors. Those are a real hoot.
On rare days we’ll receive messages that roundhouse kick us right in the moneymaker with their awesomeness. Today is one of those days.
I tend to have trouble keeping things under wraps, so I’m sharing. This has to be heard.
These voicemails contain pretty tough language and are definitely not work-or-child-safe.
We’ve bleeped out phone numbers and email addresses to protect the enraged…(I didn’t have a microphone handy so I did my bleeping through the business end of a pair of cheap headphones.)
Angry Voicemail Part 1
144k, .wav file
Wow! That guy’s really really mad! He gets as angry about spam as I did in oh, say, 1996.
When I first played the message to coworkers, some of them peed their pants in fear. One guy pooped and had to go home early. They were softies and needed to toughen up anyway. The Internet is serious business.
Hissy-fit notwithstanding, if there are spammers on our network we want to know about them! We did check out the email address he mentioned and it didn’t appear to be running afoul of our tough anti-spam policy. We’re pretty sure he was just on the receiving end of a few bounced messages with forged headers. And no, we didn’t call him back. As a general rule we don’t return abusive emails or phone messages.
Maybe all that threatening and yelling weighed heavily on his soul. It must have, because he called us back half an hour later, making sure to stress that he’s going to take us on LEGALLY. He’s going to kick our a$$ LEGALLY:
Angry Voicemail Part 2
478k, .wav
Someone should really let the postmaster in Huntington Park know that there’s a guy headed their way and he HATES SPAM. We’d do it ourselves, but we moved out a year and a half ago.
This is Brett at F$ckinDreamHost.com, signing off!
75 Responses to “YOU C@#KS#CK’N SPAMMERS!”
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August 16th, 2006 at 6:03 pm
Wow. What a jackass. I’d love to see this guy try to argue any case in court.
August 16th, 2006 at 7:12 pm
What a hoot! Bet that brightened your day..
August 16th, 2006 at 7:27 pm
Ah, I do love meladrama….
Not really, but this is amusing. I dunno how true or not it is, but the voicemails are priceless. I almost wanna work there just so I can hear crap like that as it comes in. Who needs commedy central?……
August 16th, 2006 at 7:49 pm
Outstanding! You guys give great voicemail! I’d so love to have gotten to hear his phone number. Can you imagine the fun that could be had with that?
Thanks for sharing….I think you ought to establish a DHVMOTM, and share your “best” voicemail each month with us all.
August 16th, 2006 at 9:07 pm
Whoa! And I always thought Americans like that were made up by Hollywood… :)
I bet he asked some kid in town to make a website for his lawn tractor repair business (either that, or something to do with septic tanks) and doesn’t know where it, and his mail, are hosted. I would call back and ask him to compare the mail headers with those from his legitimate mail…
August 16th, 2006 at 9:47 pm
Boy those explitives helped a lot. I mean you probably didn’t believe this guy was earnest without them.
August 16th, 2006 at 10:21 pm
HAHAHAHHHH!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS SO FUNNNY!!!! LOL!!!
August 16th, 2006 at 10:26 pm
[...] The gang at DreamHost got a great - albeit not work safe - voicemail message accusing them of spam. So what did they do with it? They posted it online for everyone to enjoy… ——– HAHAHAHHAHH THE RECORDINGS ARE SO FUNNY!!!!! LMAO THAT GUY GET SO MAD… Listen to both recordings!! HAH!read more | digg story [...]
August 16th, 2006 at 10:45 pm
oh, that was brilliant.
i didn’t know that the u.s. f***ing states congress outlawed spam?! wow.
and technically, isn’t he harrassing you now?
August 16th, 2006 at 11:18 pm
I made a little song out of it for you:
http://thoth.robrohan.com/client/index.cfm/2006/8/17/The-Angry-Spam-Song
August 16th, 2006 at 11:35 pm
oh snap! i smell a possible new contest….
August 17th, 2006 at 12:06 am
Oooooh, what sneaky sleuthing, he learned how to use whois!
August 17th, 2006 at 12:50 am
He sounded a bit tense. Was he annoyed about something?
We need sub-titles for non-US listeners. I got something about ’shooting cockerels’ ??
I wonder what he is like when he cannot find a matching pair of socks?
August 17th, 2006 at 2:06 am
[...] Addendum; This Dreamhost blog post is the funniest shit I’ve heard all week, and I work in a hosting company :D (dunno what rank we are compared to him tho!!) Maybe nsfw? [...]
August 17th, 2006 at 2:30 am
I like to imagine that it’s Dr. Phil leaving those messages.
August 17th, 2006 at 4:15 am
Now that was a damn trip! Those audio clips were awesome. Poor guy. He just wants the spam to stop! For the love of GOD, make it stop.
August 17th, 2006 at 5:06 am
And to be honest, your beeping was pretty good, too.
Oh, and rob — it sounds like something from a porn movie. Very nice!
August 17th, 2006 at 5:35 am
Wow. Sounds like a couple of real winners you’ve got there. :)
August 17th, 2006 at 5:41 am
He needs to talk to john c dvorak because he “gets no spam”!
August 17th, 2006 at 5:54 am
Haaaaaaaaaahahaha
Oh, that is just so very nice.
August 17th, 2006 at 5:56 am
Before he drags you into court, he might want to think about what charges are going to be filed after threatening you. What a douchbag.
August 17th, 2006 at 6:14 am
AAAAHAHAHAHAHA…that made my day.
>>”You’re gonna get what the f**k I”m givin’ to ya!”
LMAO!
August 17th, 2006 at 7:16 am
[...] Voicemails and more here: YOU C@#KS#CK’N SPAMMERS! [DreamHost Blog] [...]
August 17th, 2006 at 7:32 am
Did he co-star in Snakes on a Plane?
August 17th, 2006 at 7:53 am
transcript? anyone have audio transcript?
August 17th, 2006 at 8:42 am
You know, LEGALLY, we’ll have your little ass kicked LEGALLY.
He’s a very LEGAL guy.
August 17th, 2006 at 9:32 am
Excellent.
August 17th, 2006 at 9:54 am
He sure is mad.
I think his problem (among others) is garbage coming in through a web form on a Dreamhost server. I was getting hundreds of garbage mails a day from randymail.mx.dreamhost.com (if I recall) and it was just a spammer automatically hitting a feedback form on my site. I improved the script a bit so it wouldn’t send those messages, and it stopped.
August 17th, 2006 at 11:39 am
Really folks. You should do something about him. LEGALLY. :)
August 17th, 2006 at 12:52 pm
For someone who doesn’t like potty emails, he sure has a potty mouth.
August 17th, 2006 at 1:17 pm
This is the best blog entry in the history of the internet.
August 17th, 2006 at 2:08 pm
Now that’s some comedy gold right there.
August 17th, 2006 at 2:47 pm
That’s brilliant. You americans are crazy!
August 17th, 2006 at 3:43 pm
Heh, it should be illegal to be that stupid
August 17th, 2006 at 4:33 pm
This summer…some cracked out redneck stars in “Spam in an Inbox!”
I’m tired of all this motherf***in’ spam in my motherf***in’ inbox, and I’m gonna do something about it…
LEGALLY!
August 17th, 2006 at 4:52 pm
Die Spammers…
Dreamhost posted audio of a couple voicemails from a guy complaining about spam. It’s like a redneck Al Swearengen from Deadwood if he was upset about spam…….
August 17th, 2006 at 9:22 pm
Freakin’ hilarious! He’s sooo… 90’s and apparently has a thing for your ass which is just odd when you stop to think about it. oh well, thanks for sharing!
August 17th, 2006 at 10:07 pm
This makes a believer out of me.
What makes this example of ignorance and arogance joined together as a vocal expression so special, he actually believes his own hype. Having worked in the technical field, I completely relate to DreamHost wanting the world to see just what “we” deal with. People not understanding how the world “really” turns, just screaming and yelling about how they want it to.
Truly special Brett, thank you.
Rybo
PS
And to think, I almost changed host providers.
August 17th, 2006 at 11:38 pm
[...] was just all kinds of timed — http://blog.dreamhost.com/2006/08/16/you-cksckn-spammers/ Trackback· [...]
August 18th, 2006 at 2:54 am
AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHH…
Really…. if there’s a true statement out there is that the internet makes you stupid…
Have you, by the way, considered taking legal actions against him?
August 18th, 2006 at 4:42 am
Excellent!
But spam makes people angry and not every one knows about fake headers.
August 18th, 2006 at 8:01 am
another fine reason to use dreamhost.. how many other hosting companies would actually post that? (zero)
I deal with people like that every day.. nice to know I’m not alone!
August 18th, 2006 at 1:54 pm
fscking spammers!…
http://blog.dreamhost.com/2006/08/16/you-cksckn-spammers/ I found this while perusing another blog, and since it’s so similar to stuff that I have dealt with in the past, I thought it was worth a giggle for y’all. This “nice man” was concerned abou…
August 18th, 2006 at 3:41 pm
I wish he’d just admit that he’s in love with you and get this sexual tension out of the way.
August 20th, 2006 at 12:38 am
The guy is just lonely (noone want to deal with jackasses) and wants someone to talk to…
August 20th, 2006 at 10:00 am
He really has the hots for your “little ass” … count the number of times he says it…
August 21st, 2006 at 5:11 am
Wow. Plain and simple. I too wish all the spam would just stop, but it doesn’t and will not any time soon. At least I have come to realize that. I get 80+ emails a day of spam, mostly from… well… 80+ different sources. In no way am I going to even attempt to reverse-trace any of them back to origin, it would just be a waste of time.
This guy sounds like he knows just enough to check his email and look up p@rn. He clearly does not understand anything technical, and the swearing proves it. This would never make it in court either.
Miss-placed Angry Loser - 0
F$ckinDreamhost.com or whatever - 1
August 21st, 2006 at 9:02 am
I had a customer like that at my retail computer shop many years ago. Big difference though, he was there in person. The dude actually cursed me out because I didn’t carry the printer ribbon for his 1986 Apple ImageWriter (it was 2001) and then threw the printer at me and left. Best part was we had him on camera and, since he was a previous customer, we had his address too! Filed assult charges and everything. Eventually dropped the charges, but hey, you give me a bad day, I’ll ruin yours. Have some fun with this guy if he tries to take it to the next step.
Moth3rF$ckinDreamhost.F$ckingcom ROCKS!
August 21st, 2006 at 3:30 pm
Hey,
I bet $5 that he is from the south….
From,
Adam
August 22nd, 2006 at 8:41 am
this guy has been watching too much deadwood.
it’s just all too perfect… the voicemail, brett’s response… all too perfect.
if this “customer” knew how much entertainment he was providing us all, maybe he’d lighten up…
cheers
August 22nd, 2006 at 10:17 am
chris: If this guy knew his voicemail was on the internet he’d probably want to kick all of our asses “legally” for listening to them.
August 22nd, 2006 at 6:12 pm
As one of my good friends said to me: “Mutha fuckin’ snakes on a mutha fuckin’ plane.”
August 22nd, 2006 at 7:35 pm
Wow… Now I almost feel bad for spamming the guy! ;)
August 22nd, 2006 at 11:17 pm
Man, you guys were quick on the draw.
August 23rd, 2006 at 3:54 am
I didn’t know my host’s blog was so funny. Damn, no wonder I choo choo chose you ;)
August 23rd, 2006 at 3:45 pm
*falls off the bed laughing*
Oh man, that guy has issues. I would love to get 100 spams a day. Instead I get 1000+. Can I send mine to this guy? ROFL!
August 24th, 2006 at 1:37 am
ROFL, what a classic.
August 26th, 2006 at 3:57 am
What you should do is let him take you to court. Once you’re in there take your trusty little laptop up to the front of the court room and show them how to fake the headers.. making it look as if you have just recieved 100 spam emails from the angry man’s email address.
August 26th, 2006 at 5:27 am
Classic! Almost made me swalla me backy.
August 28th, 2006 at 5:25 am
Great fun! Now we just need a new remix contest!
August 28th, 2006 at 9:08 am
Wow, that was really special. Maybe you could send him the “Internet is a series of tubes” speech to clear things up for him?
August 28th, 2006 at 8:52 pm
I couldn’t just stop laughing at this guy, it’s just too hilarious!
my god! i think he broke the record at cussing lol, “f%#$ck^, mother , and goes on”
I can’t believe this guy, well if he mentions he posted his mail in a public website i’m going to be laughing hard
now all i wish is another call recorded lol. “according to the act of united f3%#4cki4 state this is an illegal act” :D
August 29th, 2006 at 11:29 pm
Yeah but the thing is i do get randymail too, and i got another site runing with dreamhost, and out of nothing randymail started to send me junk, on a new email adress, plus the guys account is now cancelled cus one of his sites was suposedly spamming, i dont know if its tru but the randymail stuff its kinda bothersome.
August 30th, 2006 at 2:46 am
that made me laugh today. gotta love it.
great little remix too :-)
August 31st, 2006 at 5:25 am
I call linkbait…
September 2nd, 2006 at 9:38 am
[...] Thanks to Donna, I was sent off this morning to my new hosting company’s blog, Dreamhost.com where I heard one of their voicemails… [...]
September 5th, 2006 at 1:24 am
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September 17th, 2006 at 1:21 pm
Holy crap. That’s hilarious. I’m sorry that you have toput up with people like this. At least you didn’t actually have to talk to him. I’ve had to talk to people like that when I did Tech Support and it definitely wasn’t fun.
September 27th, 2006 at 11:25 pm
[...] There a couple reasons why this ticks me off. The first is that I recommended DreamHost to Andy, I told him that aside from some email issues in September 2005, everything was great. I also recommended DreamHost to Jeremiah Owyang and now he’s not too found of DreamHost either (he’s even asked them to respond to Andy). So, basically, thanks to the DreamHost jerks, I’ve lost some credibility. The other reason is that DreamHost is always quick to ask for a second chance time and time again when things go wrong, yet they don’t even give a customer the respect of a full response or explanation, let alone a second chance. Nor do they even provide a phone number, just a voicemail which they pick the best messages off of to post on their blog to laugh at. [...]
October 8th, 2006 at 6:42 pm
yeah ! the united motherfuckin states ! thats us motherfucker !
October 11th, 2006 at 12:08 pm
That’s good-
I’m givng DH my business after listening to that. So call this dude and thank him for “gettin ya sum mo business” Hell, put him on the payroll in the sales dept! I think he should call in once a week, I need the laugh. Throw out a few pod casts and we’re good
January 2nd, 2007 at 5:05 pm
I just don’t get the part about Sue’s little ass…
April 12th, 2007 at 9:57 am
[...] remember the voicemail from an angry customer raving about DreamHost spamming him from the post YOU C@#KS#CK’N SPAMMERS! at DreamHost’s [...]
April 12th, 2007 at 11:22 am
[...] remember the voicemail from an angry customer raving about DreamHost spamming him from the post YOU C@#KS#CK’N SPAMMERS! at DreamHost’s [...]
June 1st, 2008 at 5:33 pm
ROFL! I cant believe Dreamhost would put something like this up!. This is what I love about them!
It seems their so chilled out, and just want it to be an enjoyable company to use. There NOT like these uptight crappy companies. I’d love to work them!